Meet hot2trottrobott, the sassiest, Mario Lopez fan fiction-reading, Bath & Body Works employee you'll meet today:
He popped up as one of my matches last night. I have no idea what logarithms OkCupid uses, but they must be 100% accurate and reliable because he's pretty much my soulmate. There are really too many amazing things to quote from his profile; I honestly can't just pick one. You're gonna have to click the link and see for yourself.
This has to be fake because there's no way one man could be this amazing. If it is, then kudos to whoever posted it and thanks for choosing somewhere in the Philadelphia-region as his homebase. Otherwise, we never would've crossed virtual paths and that would've been a goddamn shame. He's almost a performance piece; total high art. His entire profile should be hung in a museum and admired for generations to come. Wow. Just, wow.