Raise Our Glasses: We Pound One Back With Fergal!

Tip your favorite small-batch, locally-made Porter; Beer Week is over. I know, sniff sniff. But, before we shut the spouts off, we wanted to blow Beer Week out with a bang. We got the chance to sit down with Fergal "Freakin' Beer God" Murray. Don't know who he is? Pull up a chair.

Hailing from Dublin, Ireland, Fergal Murray is the Brewmaster of Guinness beer. He's been brewing Guinness for more than 25 years. That's like 100 times longer than any relationship I've held down. And, he's got an Irish accent. Swooooon. Over a pint, Fergal talked with us about his supercool career as a brewer for Guinness and even gave us some insight into dating. This silver fox is a dude that Philly boys can learn a thing or two from.

For instance, Fergal explained that if a guy walks into a bar and sees three girls with different drinks, he could surmise the following: The wine drinker would be great to take out to dinner, but it ultimately wouldn't last. The vodka drinker would be great for one night only (we don't need to elaborate on the details of that), but a girl sippin' a pint of beer commands the room. According to him, she has "power" over men and can bring any guy to his knees. I don't know about that--I've ordered a stout many times and the boys were all still standin'and making goo-goo eyes at the nearby vodka drinker--but he does have a point about pints being sexy.

So once you've recovered from the aftermath of Philly Beer Week, be sure to raise a glass once more to your favorite brewer. *Gulp*

Raise Our Glasses: We Pound One Back With Fergal!

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Beer Week Blitz: Who's With Me?

Ales are in the air and suds are in our steins; Philly Beer Week is upon us and of course, we have some things to say about that. The whole shebang starts today and goes until March 15. Boasting over 600 sud-soaked events and with almost 30 brewers participating, it's a straight-up beer bonanza!

But, before you embark on your pub crawls with a troop of your best buds, keep an eye out for these beer bozos. Nothing can ruin a brewboner like these brewbusters. Man, I'm really having fun with these alliterations! Sorry 'bout that.

So, we're gonna talk about all the beer-related beer-tastrophes that we've encountered. Do you have any beer-related dating stories? Send 'em in to us at hi@shmittenkitten.com. Hey, the next round is on us.

Beer Week Blitz: Who's With Me?

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Beer Week Blitz: Cheerleader Beer - Half the Calories, Twice As Hard To Swallow

About a month after I left my ex, I decided to go dancing with some friends and a new gentleman caller. He had a full-time job, a car, manners and heck, he could even dance and not look like a complete tool. So, what made him go from beer hottie to beer nottie? Aside from issuing an unusual level of unwanted physical contact (hint: my best friend now refers to him as The Leg Toucher), the buzzkill came straight from the fridge in the form of 12 fluid ounces.

We were gettin' our dance on and I was ready to make my way over to the bar for something cold. The Leg Toucher, seeing me paw through my purse, intercepted, "I've got it. What do you want?"

Since the music was loud and hard to yell over, I mouthed, "Whatever you get!" and waved him to the bar. With a decent, reasonably-priced beer list 30 feet to my right, I really was not expecting a worse case scenario. This dude crashed the date--and deflated any potential future boners for him--via two bottles: two Miller High Life Lights for both of us. Homeboy seriously drank beers that are usually seen in the manicured hands of cheerleaders.

It never occurred to me that a Miller High Life could even have a lighter counterpart, as I thought it was a beer reserved for suburban barbecue parties at your uncle's house. High Life Light was never in my vocabulary before that evening and, despite my better judgment, I now know that it tastes exactly like seltzer water.

Oh poor Leg Toucher, you never had a chance. I wouldn't have cared that much if you had just said you weren't really into beer, but you failed to even humor me. Your surprising and awkward brew choice, in the newly proclaimed best beer city in America, was not sexy at all. I promptly texted my best friend that my date had managed to water down both the champagne of beers and my interest. Nice work!

Beer Week Blitz: Cheerleader Beer - Half the Calories, Twice As Hard To Swallow

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Beer Week Bonerkiller: Boys That Drink Crappy Beer

Nothing kills a she-boner like boys that drink crappy watery beer and have Budweiser/Miller paraphernalia all over their apartment like a freshman dorm room. We get it: you drink beer. But, this is the same stuff I used to drink in high school with friends after scoring a six-pack from my older brother, huddled in my parents' basement thinking we were badasses.

As people mature, their taste in beer should too. I recently took a guy to Monk's who commented on what a lame-o bar it was because they didn't serve Miller. "Well, what kind of beer do you like?" I asked. "You know, BEER," was his response. Groan.

He perused the menu grimacing, unsure of what to order. It was like watching a dyslexic eighth grader looking at an LSAT exam. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with downing a PBR every once in a while at Bob and Barbara's. I can't afford to always drink beer that has more than 3.6% ABV, but when he ordered the "Chimney" beer after I suggested Chimay, any boner I may have had for this dude vanished quicker than a Milwaukee's Best in a fraternity chug line. Bottoms up.

Beer Week Bonerkiller: Boys That Drink Crappy Beer

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Raise Our Glasses: Philly Craft Brewers

As Philly Beer Week approaches, we can't help but raise our glasses to all the craft brewers who are descending upon Philadelphia. With so much going on, one might forget that some of the finest breweries are in our own backyards: Yards, SlyFox, Flying Fish, Victory, Philadelphia Brewing Co., as well as a slew of fantastic brew pubs. Craft brewers are the reason we don't have to down nine Coors Lites before we feel like shakin' our booties on the dance floor. Give me a Troegenator Double Bock and I'm good to go.

These beer chemists can work up to twelve hours a day perfecting a brew that tickles our tummies and gives us enough confidence to do just about anything; whether it's belting out our favorite song at karaoke or finally talking to that dude we've been crushing on (just try not to burp while whispering your phone number into his ear.) And, while we're nursing our hangovers well into the afternoon, these brewers are up at the crack of dawn, mixing and mashing their magical beer potions so that we can re-live the delicious experience all over again the next night.

We're more impressed with your encyclopedic knowledge about stouts and barley than stocks and bonds. So grab your drinking shoes and head out to any of the dozens of "Meet the Brewer" nights for Philly Beer Week. Pop a few Tylenol the next morning; you'll thank us.

Raise Our Glasses: Philly Craft Brewers

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Beer Week Blitz: Busboy Love

I am a sucker, not for bartenders but for busboys! I was absolutely in love with one at this bar I used to frequent when I lived in Denver called The Giggling Grizzly, but we dubbed it The Sweaty Bear for reasons I'll leave unexplained. This kid was smokin' hot. I used to gulp down my drinks JUST so he would come fetch my glass. Do you think this means I want a subservient dude? He had some hot forearm tattoos and wore tees that fit juuust right.

One day I was at the mall when I heard the sweet sounds of an approaching skateboarder. It was him! We (mostly I) shared (with myself) a brief moment.

At the bar one night, I stepped to him with this gem of a pick-up line: "Hey, umm, my one friend thinks you look like you would have a girlfriend? Oh, you don't!? Well my OTHER friend thinks you look gay? Oh, you're not! Okay. Cool." Please note: absolutely NONE of my friends thought these things, they were standing behind me shaking their heads and laughing the whole time.

So, Denver's hottest busboy, are you still single and hetero? Can you clear and wipe down this table when you get a second? That'd be great. Just so you know, I still hold a little shot-glass-sized place for you in my heart.

Beer Week Blitz: Busboy Love

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