This Week: Carrying the Torch

As the world is overtaken with Olympic fever, we've admittedly been swept up in it too. We've watched the trials and tribulations of these world-class athletes, cheering them on from the comfort of our living rooms.

All this hoopla as made me think about what events I would win a gold medal in. So far, I can say with confidence that I would bring home gold if they had a category called "The Freezeout."

The Freezeout is when a guy has wronged you, so you decide to quickly sever every single channel that you communicate with him. A Freezeout is harsh, swift, and the closest thing to giving the finger to someone without actually extending your finger.

His MySpace top spot? DELETED.
His phone number? ERASED.
His email address? BLOCKED.

I'm like, the Michael Phelps of doing the Freezeout. I would set world records for the fastest freezeout in history! I'd be on the cover of Time and have my own Barbara Walters special.

But, until the International Olympic Committee recognizes my talents, I'll just have compete in the minor leagues on the amateur circuit. Keeping the Olympic spirit in mind, this week we're gonna talk about the boys that we have carried the torch for.

For those of you not familiar with the concept, "carrying the torch" means to maintain feelings for a person for an exorbitant amount of time. We're talking about, like, years. You silently watch as they go through girlfriend after girlfriend, patiently waiting for your spot in his queue. It's kind of like the lyrics to that Mr. Big song, "To Be With You."

Do you have any stories about how you've carried the torch for a dude? Drop a line to us at hi@shmittenkitten.com. If it cracks us up, we'll share it with the world!

This Week: Carrying the Torch

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Reader Submission: S'More Torch Stories

Wow! A huge thanks goes out to our reader Brianna for submitting this gem of a story. Let me throw some math at you: the guy she is carrying the torch for + open flame = Hysterical Results. Take it away, Brianna:

"I have carried the torch for multiple dudes, however I have a current crush who I sent a totally embarrassing email to a few weeks ago. That's a whole 'nother story. [Ed. note from Anna: I've read the note and I can testify that it is actually really funny and sassy and brimming with moxie. Go get 'em, Champ!]

Well, I thought he would never speak to me after I sent him that email, but he must be amused by my pining because he's since exerted minimal energy replying to my drunken messages. Nevertheless, I had a birthday party a few weeks back, and told him that it would be the most fun night of his life and he should come.

Low and behold, he shows up! However, he arrives at the MOST awkward moment of the party when only a few people had arrived thus far, making ME look like the freak that invited him to some intimate birthday gathering. Luckily, he came with a friend and more people arrived shortly thereafter.

The night was going as well as it could since he was not drinking due to the fact that he was running a marathon the next day. I had a great bonfire going so we were all sitting around it, giggling and knocking back some drinks.

My crush was roasting a marshmallow over the flames when it caught fire. He made the move to quickly blow it out, bringing it towards himself, inadvertently FLINGING into his face! It stuck there for a few seconds and totally burned him. Flaming marshmallow to the eye! Holy crap.

It was sooo awkward and my friends were like, "Go put ice on it!?!" I pretended like it didn't happen (until he left when I just about peed my pants laughing).

He is healing nicely and should have no permanent scars. If anything, it will make for a beautiful story to tell our grandchildren, right?"

Wow! This poor guy! I mean, it sounds like he's awkward enough without flaming confections searing his skin, so I can't imagine how he'd recover well from this one. I would've just offered him a graham cracker and some chocolate 'cause hey, why waste a perfectly good marshmallow! Seriously, that's like my life motto right there.

Thanks, Brianna, good luck gettin' s'more action with him. Sorry, I couldn't resist that one.

Reader Submission: S'More Torch Stories

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Carrying the Torch: Alex P. and Me

Oh man, I am a card-carrying torch holder. Anyone who knows me can testify that there are a handful of guys that I have pined after for years at a time. I am a loyal lady, in that respect.

If I run into him, I get all fluttery and nervous. When I hear his voice, my heart does cartwheels. Every glance he sends me across the room feels like a little present. And, when I see him with his girlfriend, I let out a heavy sigh. Ok, this all sounds pretty emo. But, the point is, I will sit on the sidelines waiting for him and his lady to break-up so that maybe, just MAYBE, I can have a go at him. When he changes his status from "In a relationship" to "single," I throw myself a little party and high-five everyone in my immediate vicinity.

Amazingly, I don't even have to meet some of the boys I carry the torch for. For instance, my obsession with Patrick Stump is well documented. And, I still have a lingering attraction to Kirk Cameron, even though he is now a lobotomized born-again Christian. But man, Mike Seaver used to raise my temperature every time he'd grab a chair, spin it around and straddle it. Swoon!

My Longest Running Crush Award goes to one, tiny man that has captured America's heart even though he is a Cannuck. Donning a necktie, blazer and hockey hair, Michael J. Fox cast a spell on me. There was something about the spunky way he played Alex P. that I found completely charming. As a third grader, I watched Family Ties every week like it was my job. I would kiss the television when he would be on screen, but it only tasted like dusty glass, not like how I imagined his lips would be.

Back to the Future is still one of my favorite movies and that explains my strange attraction to guys in puffy vests. I delighted in all the clever ways he outsmarted Biff. And, when he invents rock 'n' roll (but, not really) and kicks over a monitor; how awesome was that?

As a kid, I snapped up every teen magazine he was featured in and plastered my room with his pin-ups. It was like a million Michaels in stereo, all smiling down at me.

Remember how in Teen Beat magazine they'd have wallet-sized pics of the hottest stars with some factoids about them listed on the back? They were like baseball cards for us girls except a bit more stalker-y. Well, I had one with Michael J. that I used to carry around in my back pocket and it listed his height as 5'5. I was excited because back then, I was 5'5, too! We were clearly a match made in heaven.

As an adult, I seem to go for guys that remind me of him. I once smooched a dude because he was 5'5 and I thought to myself, "Wow, this is what it would be like if I was with MJF!" Pretty hot. I first noticed my high school sweetheart because he had just gotten a haircut like Michael J. Fox. I saw him leaning against a wall with his hair all floppy and--I swear to God--I did a double-take then a full up and down body scan, just like how Emilio Estevez does it when Ally Sheedy gets that makeover at the end of The Breakfast Club. His Fox-y locks caught my attention for sure.

I still have a Michael J. Fox poster circa Teen Wolf on the back of my bedroom door. I told you I am a torch carrier! Well, I may never be with my dream man, but by the time I'm ready to settle down, maybe his son Sam will be legal. I will carry this torch into the next generation of Fox men.

Carrying the Torch: Alex P. and Me

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