Reader Submission for First Date Ever: Smooth Moves

Who knew that y'all had so many hysterical first date stories? This next one comes to us from Monica. This senior year Lothario pulled some wacky moves on her with varying degrees of success (i.e. none). Take it away, Monica:

I was fifteen and it was the beginning of my sophomore year in high school. I was a straight-edge nerdy art jock which I'm sure sounds contradictory, but I swear there was a whole crew of us in my class. We made funny drawings, ran track, had root beer keggers and were in the top ten percent of the class; man, I wish i was still that cool! Until then, boys hadn't paid any attention to me.

So, needless to say, I was floored when the captain of the basketball team--a senior and a hot one to boot!--asked me out. I had no idea what drew him to ME, but it didn't matter. We talked on the phone a lot and one time he made me a flower out of tissues and sprayed his cologne on it (gross!) and left it in my locker for me.

On our first date, he picked me up in what is best described as a "ricer." It was a suped up, crappy, bright yellow "sports" car. We went down the shore for the evening. It was a pretty regular night aside from two major details.

1. To "impress" me, he felt the need to drive 90mph over a bridge so that we would "catch air." I was terrified!
2. He took me to this secluded spot by the bay, under the stars, where he handed me a coin--it was one of those cheesy pressed pennies you can get at any tourist trap--which said "Good for a Kiss and a Hug. Anytime. Anywhere" and asked to redeem it. Mind you, I had never kissed a boy before. I was extremely embarrassed and had no idea what to do. I waited for him to lean in, which he did, and I awkwardly accepted my first kiss!

On our second date, he brought me to his house to watch a movie. We laid on his WATERBED in his bedroom while his parents were in the next room. He tried to make out with me during the movie, but back then, like now, I didn't believe in missing crucial parts of a flick.

After it ended, we started making out while a baseball game was on TV; my rules didn't and still don't apply to sports events. It was so awkward! I had never kissed someone while laying down. What do you do with your arms?! Why didn't anyone tell me about this?! I kept catching him looking up at the baseball game but was glad for the break which kept his hands from sliding into second base.

I broke up with this ladies man so I could spend my little bit of free time with my cool friends instead. I later found out that the place down the shore was "his spot" he took all the ladies! ewww!!

This smooth senior has got some game. Spraying his cologne on tissues? Old-timey coins? Catching air? A waterbed? It's like this guy learned all of his "moves" from a Corey Feldman/ Corey Haim buddy movie. Thanks, Monica, for sending this in. Aaaaand, now I'm going to go watch License to Drive. Who's with me?

Reader Submission for First Date Ever: Smooth Moves

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This Week: First Date EVER

Maybe it's how the leaves are just beginning to change color or how we're writing September on all of our checks, but the coming of autumn makes us sentimental for our youth. You know, attending school dances and football games. Oh wait, that didn't happen to me; I think I'm getting my childhood confused with an episode of Dawson's Creek. Regardless, autumn is a time for snuggling and apple-picking and rosy red cheeks and it's making us feel like cracking open our old yearbooks and re-living the past.

So, we're going to fire up the ol' time machine and travel way, way back to our first dates ever. Oh man. We were so young, so innocent, and so totally nerve-wracked. The whole act of a first date is freakin' terrible. Waiting for him to show up, making small talk, having sweaty hands, the anxiety of saying goodnight; I'm stressed out just thinking about it. Thank god you can only go on your first date ever just once.

Do you have any funny first date stories? Drop a line to hi@shmittenkitten.com and share the awkwardness. We can relate.

This Week: First Date EVER

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First Date Ever: Cold Frosties and Warm Hearts

My First Date Ever was shockingly not terrible. I was a sophomore in high school and this cute junior wrestler named Justin pursued me. He got my AOL screen name, messaged me while my mom was on it (she had a snooping problem), and talked her into encouraging me to go out with him, which was actually kind of sweet. This cute, older boy wanted to take me out so badly that he'd sweet talked my mom!

Our first date was, of course, not a proper date but more of a hangout. Justin and a couple of his friends picked me up at my parents' house and then we went back to his parents house while I watched his crummy pop punk band practice in the basement. I was instantly smitten, because there wasn't anything I liked more those days than crummy pop punk bands.

After practice he got a call from his friend Joe saying that dude had punched a wall, thought his hand was broken, and needed a ride to hospital. This sounded like the opposite of fun to me, but I went along anyway and waited patiently in the ER. Until a Frosty craving hit.

Justin and I drove the half mile to the local Wendy's and got ourselves a couple tasty chocolate-y iced treats. And then the most adorable thing happened: Justin looked at me and said, "let's get a bunch of Frosties and take them back to the hospital and pass them out to people in the waiting room!" I think hearts and flowers and rainbows and puppy dogs exploded out of my eyeballs and ears as I frantically shook my head up and down and smiled like a prize idiot.

And we did. And it was sweet. Everyone appreciated it. Later, when we left the hospital to go home, there was a beautiful sunset and Justin said, "Let's just drive until we can see the whole thing." *This dude was a total charmer* I put my hands on my swelling 15-year-old heart and fell head over heels in love with that fucker. Because, really, how could you not?

First Date Ever: Cold Frosties and Warm Hearts

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First Date Ever: The Date From H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

I was raised in a strict Christian household, which meant absolutely no dating. Ever. My mother made an exception to this rule during the autumn of 2004, after she had been approached by this greasy little weasel of a teenage boy; I'll call him Calvin. Now, Calvin believed in courtship, and he called me up one day asking if I would accompany him to a hardcore show (I was a religious freak, but I was still a badass). I accepted, and so began the first date from hell.

Calvin arrived at my house with his mother. He immediately told me how beautiful I looked, and held my hand. I'm not sure if he had been repeatedly wiping the condensation off icy bottles of root beer or what, but his hand was drenched in sweat. Not cool. But it being my first date, I went along with it.

At the show, Calvin was nothing but a gentleman. During one of the crazy breakdowns, he stood in front of me, and this giant hardcore dancer--who is now one of my best friends--kicked him right in the stomach. What is a girl to do? I tried to comfort Calvin, but he seemed pretty humiliated and slumped off into the corner, leaving me by myself in a crowded room filled with sweaty guys. Hot.

After all this mess, Calvin and I jumped in the mom-mobile and she drove me home, where he awkwardly tried to kiss me, and I backed away. He called me three days later to confess the depth of his feelings for me, telling me that he'd love me even if I got fat. Charming.

Then, he proceeded to sing a love song he wrote for me. It sounded like a parakeet colliding with brick wall. When I broke our next date, his mother showed up at my house and confronted my parents, asking what kind of daughter they raised.

Sometimes my friends will remind me of this night with Calvin, and I cringe, thinking of the cute outfit I wasted on him. I haven't dated a nice guy since. Or gone to church. And I've never looked back.

First Date Ever: The Date From H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

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First Date Ever: The One and Only Time Anna Has Ever Attempted To Date A Tall Blond Dude

Maybe I'm giving away my age here, but everything I learned about dating was through Sweet Valley High books and watching my peers make clumsy attempts at relationships. I'd had a few crushes here and there, but I had never been on an actual date before. Until I met him, Oblivious Otto.

I was 16 and he was 24. Yeah, that disparity is pretty creepy to me now. He was 6'4, had a crooked front tooth and straight blond hair. And he liked me. That's all I needed to know. The lead singer of a popular local punk band, he was loud, funny, and charismatic. I'd see him at shows and when our eyes would meet, he'd stop whatever he was doing, walk over to me, and wind his arm around my waist. My heart pounded so hard, my chest hurt. Then, he'd lean in and whisper in my ear, "You look beautiful tonight." This was the first time a guy had ever paid attention to me like this; it was intoxicating.

I'd listen to his 7-inch records on repeat, imagining that he was singing about me. He wore a leather jacket and Chuck Taylors; I picked out our babies' names. When he called to ask me out on a date one Saturday, I tried to harness my excitement while I said yes. After I hung up the receiver, I jumped up and down.

I was so nervous on the date that I could barely speak. We went record shopping and it was thrilling to flip past his band's record in the bin. "I'm on a date with this guy RIGHT NOW!" I exclaimed in my head. It felt like I was flying.

Then, he took me to where all punks like to go; the mall. We saw Billy Madison in the Cineplex. He tried to kiss me during the movie but I was too nervous to do it. What can I say? I was a squirrelly teen! I pushed away his advances and he pouted. Like, a lot. After the movie, he huffed off and didn't say one word to me on the drive home.

And--call the wambulance--he never asked me out again, all because I didn't smooch him in the movie theater. The phone not ringing was the worst sound I'd ever heard. I felt terrible. It felt even worse when he ignored me the next time I saw him at a show. My heart deflated. A few weeks later, I heard that he started dating some short girl and they hooked up outside of Denny's. Sigh. I took the news pretty hard. Let's just say that I went through both boxes of Kleenex and pints of Ben & Jerry's. It's like I was wearing a "What Would Cathy Do?" bracelet.

Oh, Otto, if you could see me now, you'd know that I totally make out on the first date! It was your loss and blah blah blah who cares. So, kids, that's the one and only time I ever tried to date a tall blond guy. Any questions?

I almost forgot the best part--the epilogue! I ran into Otto a few years ago. I was going through this Charlie's Angels phase where I was curling my hair, all bouncy and '70s-style (it looked good, trust me). I saw him at my favorite dive bar. As soon as he caught sight of me, he came over, slid his arm around my waist and whispered into my ear, "You look like a starlet." I blushed, thanked him for the compliment then walked away. 16 year old me would've been so proud!

First Date Ever: The One and Only Time Anna Has Ever Attempted To Date A Tall Blond Dude

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