This Week: Wedding Wincing

Spring is here and you know what that means: weirdos coming out of the woodwork to converge at Rittenhouse Square Park, long lines for Rita's Water Ice, and weddings galore. Here at Shmitten Kitten HQ, this is an uncomfortable season. We're still trying to land first dates while our fellow gal pals have somehow landed soulmates and they are forcing us to participate in all of their over-the-top, mushy festivities. For the single girl, weddings represent everything we loathe--except free food and alcohol. Honestly, we kinda love that part.

To help get you through wedding season, we've compiled a few tips as well as some of our own horror stories of worst dates, slurred toasts, sloppy dancing, one night stands, wardrobe malfunctions, crazy crying brides, and "always a bridesmaid never a bride" moments.

This past wedding weekend for me and my friends included three fist fights, one arrest, two break-ups, three hook-ups, one girl cursing off the bride and an alcoholic aunt puking in the bathroom before dinner was even served; it was a blast! During the middle of one ceremony, my best guy friend texted me: "Wow, this is an incredible trainwreck" as the bride's brother started yelling/falling off the altar drunk when the couple were making their vows. That doesn't even include the bachelorette weekend antics! You get the gist.

Do you have any wedding horror stories? Get at us at hi@shmittenkitten.com. We'll say "I do" to publishing the funniest ones.

This Week: Wedding Wincing

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This Week: Qualities That Are Surprisingly Not Bonerkillers

We have a lot of fun talking about the kinds of things guys do that we both love and loathe. You get the gist: we love it when a guy buys us a beer that costs more than $4 and we hate it when a guy wears socks with sandals. Ho hum. That's business as usual.

However, there is a nebulous area of our dating life where we know we should be turned off by a dude's behavior, but we strangely aren't. Blinded by love, we are willing to disregard some serious character flaws that would compel a normal person to run in the opposite direction and bust through a brick wall all Kool-Aid Man-style.

Yes, he's a weed dealer and a Deadbeat Dad, but have you heard his band? They're pretty awesome. You see what we did there? We totally overlooked the obvious red flags because we were focused on his positive aesthetic attributes. That's a fancy way of saying we let some shit slide 'cause we thought he was hot.

We wish we could say that these kind of things are a rare occurrence, but it happens to us all the freakin' time. So, this week we are gonna talk about the strangest qualities that we have overlooked in order to be with a guy. It's gonna be good. What's the craziest detail you've overlooked in a person you were trying to date? Drop us a line at hi@shmittenkitten.com and let us know!

This Week: Qualities That Are Surprisingly Not Bonerkillers

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Break Out Your Pocket Protector, We're Having Nerd Appreciation Week

We want to shine the spotlight on nerds because they really are one of our favorite kinds of boys to date. Not to get all Jeff Foxworthy about it, but you know you're a nerd if you:

• Have won a science fair (or at least placed in the top three)
• Can type at least five words upside down on a calculator
• Listen to NPR on the reg
• Ever owned and operated a HAM radio
• Requested a chemistry set as a gift when you were a kid
• Can name six different kinds of dinosaurs with relative ease
• Don't laugh at Stephen Hawking jokes (he is a genius! lay off him!)
• Know around 75% of the lyrics to Weezer's Blue Album
  
• Have a prized collection of something, be it VHS '80s horror movies, snow globes, or 7" punk records
  
• Get excited when Q shows up on an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation
• Wear gray New Balance sneakers
  
• Never spend more than $15 on a haircut and don't use any hair products
  
• Subscribe to Wired magazine
• Think being an archeologist would be a cool job
  
• Have an opinion about Kevin Rose
  
• Have had the same best friends, for like, 20 years
  

Nerds are sweet, attentive, and make the best boyfriends. We love 'em! On Monday, we will unveil our candidates for Philly's Hottest Nerd and you guys will vote all next week on the winner. For the next few days, we are going to talk about what kinds of nerds we love, why we love them, and why you should too. Have a favorite kind of nerd? Drop a line to hi@shmittenkittten.com and tell us what kind of nerd blows your hair back.

Break Out Your Pocket Protector, We're Having Nerd Appreciation Week

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This Week: Movie Mayhem

Besides going out for dinner, going to the movies is one of the basic building blocks of a date. If dating were the Periodic Table, going to see a movie would be hydrogen (that's a science joke for all you nerrrds out there.) So, you're in the dark snuggled up in a comfortable seat with a dude; what could go wrong?

Well, a lot of things apparently. This week we will talk about all the ways a movie date can go south. Whether it's the choice of film, the awkwardness of sitting next to a relative stranger for roughly two hours, or an unfortunate popcorn-related accident, there's plenty of room for movie dates to quickly transform into horror stories.

Can you relate? Drop us a line to hi@shmittenkitten.com and tell us your movie mayhem story. Pass the popcorn!

This Week: Movie Mayhem

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This Week: Holiday Horror Stories

If you've stepped foot in any store since Halloween, you've probably noticed that the holidays are upon us. Anxiety-filled at every turn, the holidays are a minefield of awkwardness. Office parties, uneven gift exchanges, tense family dinners; these are all opportunities to make an ass out of yourself.

Maybe you made out with that hot intern after three too many eggnogs. Maybe you got the love of your life an iPod and he gave you a coupon book he made himself that's good for "one free hug at anytime" and "one home cooked meal on a night of your choice." Yup, we've been there.

This week, we are going to recount our best (ahem, or worst) holiday horror stories. Do you have a holiday horror story that you still hang your head in shame over? Send 'em on in to us at hi@shmittenkitten.com and take comfort in the fact that the holidays only happen once a year.

This Week: Holiday Horror Stories

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This Week: The Change Up

So, I was looking back over some photos lately and I was snickering at all the different scenes I dipped my toes into over the years. In high school, I was a little punk rocker. I think I still have my studded belt haunting the corners of my closet and a cardboard box full of show flyers in my parents' attic.

In college, I was all about hardcore punk and I had the requisite camouflage cargo pants and high ponytail to prove it. That was until I discovered emo, when I dyed my hair black and got Bettie Page bangs. After college, I pretty much stopped caring about that kind of stuff and just settled into being me; a mishmosh of not giving a fuck and caring a little bit now and again.

But, I remember how I tried on all these different looks and immersed myself in all these different scenes, sometimes because my boyfriend at the time was into it too. Then, I thought about the times I got way into a scene because I wanted to impress a particular guy with my vast knowledge of, say, the the Victory Records catalog or how I knew the Jade Tree band roster. So, for this week, I wanted to write about how sometimes we change our interests in order to hit it off with a dude; the Change Up, if you will.

What's the most crazy thing you've gotten into in order to impress a dude? Drop us a line at hi@shmittenkitten.com and let us know. We promise to not laugh too hard when you tell us.

This Week: The Change Up

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This Week: Deal Breakers

There are some things that are non-negotiable when finding someone compatible to date. We all have our lines drawn in the sand. Some of them are pretty obvious; racism is not hot. Being a cheapskate is not hot. Being rude to waitstaff is not hot. Those are a given.

But, as we get older, we have found the amount of our deal breakers ramping up at a neckbreaking pace. While before, we might've thought that it was cool to date a guy in a band. But after dating a handful of aspiring Bob Dylans, we made up a little rule in our heads that says, "Band guys? Never again!" So, when you meet a cute boy down at the local pub and he tells you how he's the bongo player in a psych band, you mentally walk away from him (even if you physically stay in your seat and finish your cocktail politely).

Maybe your new deal breakers relate to his spending habits. You think, "the next guy I date will have to have a savings account AND a 401(k). I ain't going out with a guy who bundles up his bills into his sock drawer and spends every last cent until his next paycheck again. Aw, hell no!" "Checking account or bust" is basically your new motto.

Maybe your new deal breakers revolve around his lifestyle choices. It turns you into a mini-Heidi Klum dismissing Proj Run rejects: guys who still go to Making Time are out; guys who don't shower regularly are out; guys who don't treat your cats well are out. The list gets longer of behaviors you are absolutely unable to tolerate. You get the idea.

So, stay tuned because this week, we will recount our biggest deal breakers. Have any of your own? Drop us a line at hi@shmittenkitten.com and get it off your chest.

This Week: Deal Breakers

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This Week: First Date EVER

Maybe it's how the leaves are just beginning to change color or how we're writing September on all of our checks, but the coming of autumn makes us sentimental for our youth. You know, attending school dances and football games. Oh wait, that didn't happen to me; I think I'm getting my childhood confused with an episode of Dawson's Creek. Regardless, autumn is a time for snuggling and apple-picking and rosy red cheeks and it's making us feel like cracking open our old yearbooks and re-living the past.

So, we're going to fire up the ol' time machine and travel way, way back to our first dates ever. Oh man. We were so young, so innocent, and so totally nerve-wracked. The whole act of a first date is freakin' terrible. Waiting for him to show up, making small talk, having sweaty hands, the anxiety of saying goodnight; I'm stressed out just thinking about it. Thank god you can only go on your first date ever just once.

Do you have any funny first date stories? Drop a line to hi@shmittenkitten.com and share the awkwardness. We can relate.

This Week: First Date EVER

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This Week: We Tip Our Hats

Dudes!

Come over here for a minute. Let's have a chat. We know we sometimes playfully chide you for your fashion indiscretions--cough, sports sandals and hemp necklaces, cough--but there are a few of you out there who are doing things right.

We here at Shmitten Kitten headquarters want to give you guys a high-five, a thumbs up and a pat on the back all at the same time. We want to tip our hats to you, if you will.

So that's what we're gonna do. This is a new feature where we will raise our glasses to the boys who make us wanna flip ours, all Dwayne Wayne style.

Are there any types of dudes you'd like to see us give props to? Drop a line to tips@shmittenkitten.com and nominate your faves. We'll lovingly create a tribute to the most worthy suggestions. Boys, we salute you!

This Week: We Tip Our Hats

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This Week: The Wake 'n' Cringe

The wake and cringe happens to the best of us. The scenario goes something like this: You had one too many Philly specials last night. Really, just having one Philly special is one too many if you ask me, but I digress.

Groaning, you sit up in bed and wipe last night's smeared mascara from under your eyes. For a second you feel like Courtney Love as you stagger to the bathroom for a cup of water. You gulp it down in an effort to relieve your severe case of cottonmouth. As you inspect your reflection in the mirror, you see a handful of unexplained scrapes and bumps scattered across your body.

Hey, where'd that creepy bruise on your thigh come from? Oh right, you fell off the stage dancing to Girl Talk. Twice. Slowly the mist of your hangover begins to clear and then the awfulness of last night's antics come flooding back to you in what can only be described as a cringestorm.

Did you really say those things to your ex last night? Oh yes, you did. Your stomach flip-flops as you check your text message outbox. What were you thinking? You acted a fool and everyone knows it. Oh, Christ. Who hasn't done the wake 'n' cringe?

The following are a few tales of our own bouts with the wake 'n' cringe. Enjoy and feel free to submit your own cringe-filled morning stories in all their glory to us at tips@shmittenkitten.com.

This Week: The Wake 'n' Cringe

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This Week: Worst Blind Dates

Blind dates, by nature, are anxiety-ridden and stressful. Both parties involved show up with their own set of expectations and often times, these expectations differ wildly. For instance, we expect them to be gentlemanly, clean, and polite. Pretty crazy, right? And, God knows what they expect from us. A pulse and a pretty face, perhaps?

Web sites like MySpace and Facebook can help a little bit because you can at least see what the person looks like before you commit to spend time with them. But, even knowing what they look like won't prepare you for their lisps, bad breath, and terrible manners. Oh no, you don't get to find that out until they are sitting across the table asking to split the bill.

This week, we are recounting our most terrible blind dates. If there was a hall of fame for horrible dates, these guys would be in it. If you have any bad blind date stories you'd like to share--even if they were with us!--send 'em on over to tips@shmittenkitten.com. Enjoy!

This Week: Worst Blind Dates

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On the Scene Report: Popped! People

We went to the Popped! festival yesterday and the amount of inspiration for sketch ideas was through the roof. We didn't know who to draw first: the high school kids in full-on hot topic gear or the melting punk rocker with the pristine mohawk wearing more make-up than my Mom. Of course, there were plenty of shirtless college dudes milling about taking in the sun's rays (have fun tending to your sunburns today, boys).

We even spied a little Kitten-in-Training. Observe:

Not bad, Maya! Once you hit Jr. High and play a few rounds of spin the bottle you might have some material to contribute.

We couldn't draw everyone we saw, but these lucky few were the ones who made the cut. Enjoy!

On the Scene Report: Popped! People

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This Week: "Times are Tough"

Remember that article a few months back that named Philly as one of the ugliest, fattest, most uneducated cities? Well, I hate to say it, but sometimes I secretly concur. It seems that single Philly men folk are nothing more than under/unemployed weirdos that aren't all that cute and aren't all that funny. I know that's harsh, but seriously, alls I need is one funny, smart, cute guy that has his act together and he's NOWHERE to be found. (And trust us, we've looked.)

Now, we're not saying that ALL the men in Philly are hopeless, unattractive cretins...just the single ones we've crossed paths with. There are definitely a few pretty decent dudes here, but trust me, they're all taken. If there's a halfway decent single guy around, good luck nailing him down. The ratio between awesome girls to awesome guys in this town is probably around 20:1. The odds are against you, ladies!

Well, our dear friend Jenna came up with a catchphrase that we think sums up these dire times. Simply put: "Times are tough." That's it. Times have been tough! Say it with a shrug and who is gonna argue with you?

So, for this week we decided to honor our new favorite saying by recounting some stories and drawings about when we have dated guys who are "less than the best" for no other reason besides TIMES ARE TOUGH!

As always, feel free to contact us with your own stories at hi@shmittenkitten.com.

This Week: "Times are Tough"

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