I Love Love Love Guys Who Wear Faded '90s Indie Shirts

This guy is the real deal. You can tell by his shirt. It's faded and thin from years of wash 'n' wear. You can barely make out the Guided By Voices logo unless you squint.

The good news: he throws KILLER barbecues with tons of fancy beer in the fridge and will be more than happy to grill up veggie burgers for the non-meateaters in attendance. The bad news: he probably has long-standing commitment issues. Sad trombone noise.

He most likely played the Silver Jews on his college radio show. He probably thought Kelley Deal was hot before she had a heroin habit. He'll still talk about seeing Neutral Milk Hotel at a Merge Records showcase at CMJ. I'd bet he even went to one of the original Lollapaloozas, back when it was a sweaty freakshow traveling around the country replete with pierce tents and henna tattoo booths.

That's probably where he picked up that shirt. Or, maybe he snapped it up when the band played his hometown the summer after his sophomore year. Or maybe he ordered it from the record label and had it sent to him directly. (I used to do that.)

You can tell that it wasn't eBayed. It wasn't a hand me down. He sought this shirt out when he was a '90s indie snob and it's his favorite shirt, surviving dozens of moves and countless girlfriends. I mean, he bought that shirt before email was invented. It's practically his second skin. And, it's awesome. I can overlook his flaws because when he plays Superchunk as we make blueberry muffins from scratch on a sunny Sunday morning, it makes my heart smile.

I Love Love Love Guys Who Wear Faded '90s Indie Shirts

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I Love Love Love Guys Who Speak Yiddish

From our reader Whitney, who is meshuggeneh about liking guys that drop Yiddish phrases:

I love love love boys who use Yiddish in conversation. It doesn't matter if he is schvitzing in this heat, complaining about schlepping his laundry, or talking about how his boss got everything all fachadick, it makes my foolish heart skip a beat.

Whether he's a goy or a member of the tribe, slipping those little gems into our conversation belies a sort of wry, anachronistic, twinkle-in-the-eye charm and a cursory cultural awareness that makes me a little weak in the knees.

So keep on keepin' on, boys. You're making this shiksa all verklempt.

I'd settle for a guy that just liked bagels.

I Love Love Love Guys Who Speak Yiddish

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I Love Love Love Guys That Give Me A Buck to Pick Out Songs On The Jukebox

I gotta hand it to him, the way he just tucked a dollar in my hand and said, "Go play some songs for me," made me want to:

a. Buy a Trapper Keeper on eBay
b. Buy a Bic ballpoint pen
c. Wait for the Trapper Keeper to come in the mail
d. Open the package up
e. Write his initials, a plus sign, then my initials using the ballpoint pen on the Trapper Keeper
f. Draw a heart around our initials
g. Clutch the Trapper Keeper against my chest and sigh heavily

Forget the Dollar Value Menu at Mickey D's: this right here is the real value deal. For only a dollar and a simple request, he gets to be in my daydreams for the next week. It was fun to pick out songs that I thought he'd like. And, it was fun to come back to my seat and see his face light up each time one of "my/his" songs came on. It was fun all around. Gimme another buck! I wanna do it again!

If you had a buck to spend to impress your date, what three songs would you pick?

[In case you're wondering: I picked "1969" by The Stooges, "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding" by Elvis Costello, and "Fade to Black" by Metallica. Btdubs, the alternate title of this post should be Boxerdropper: I Am AWESOME At Spending Your Dollar On The Jukebox.]

I Love Love Love Guys That Give Me A Buck to Pick Out Songs On The Jukebox

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I Love Love Love Guys Who Are Cool About Periods

It ain't no thang but a chicken wing on a string to him that I get my period. He's so unfazed about my monthly friend it's ridic. Honestly, I think he gets a kick out of it.

Every month, he tries to come up with some hysterical description of my period and tries to outdo himself every time. So far, he's said that my:

• Hoohah is crying blood tears
• Cave is awash in cherry Slurpee
• Love box is puking lava
• Red velvet cupcake is leaking
• Lady parts are re-enacting scenes from The Shining 

After dating total Squeemish Stans who'd do a full-on body shudder if I even so much as mentioned menstruation, it's refreshing to have a guy be laid-back about the whole thing.

He doesn't flinch when I toss pads in the shopping cart. He high-fives me when I tell him that I have cramps. He's like if Midol were a human; he makes me feel better about the whole thing. Ladies take note: THIS is the kind of guy you should marry. He'll be a buddy to your monthly curse.

I Love Love Love Guys Who Are Cool About Periods

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I Love Love Love That We Don't Listen To The The Exact Same Music

Replace the maps with iPhones. That's more like it.

My girlfriend and I just completed our first ever roadtrip together. We've done some small day trips before, but this was a straight-up full-day-of-driving-pack-some-sandwiches-in-the-cooler ROAD TRIP. We were crossin' state lines, y'all.

In order to circumvent some of my previously stated car stereo control issues, we agreed to switch off albums for the entirety of the 25+ hours of driving.

Let's just say I learned a lot. For instance, I learned that there's a TON more Oasis songs than the ones I heard on the radio back when I was a teenager. Also, for every obscure American band that I've never heard of, there's an equally obscure British band that I've DEFINITELY never heard of. What can I say? She likes Britpop.

That, of course, is exactly what made it awesome. Over the course of the whole trip, I think she only played two or three albums I'd previously heard. Our musical interests, while similar, overlap ever so perfectly in a way that I get to listen to a lot of new music but don't necessarily have to worry about her non-ironically breaking out a Nickelback record or anything.

In the past, I've dated girls where the pendulum swung way too far in either direction. In one relationship, the act of sharing a new musical discovery was totally lost because she'd usually already heard the band before; my mixtapes were rendered completely useless. Another past fling was totally the "I love everything but rap and country" type, which meant that she just listened to whatever came on the radio at any given moment. Girls like her make up for 97% of all Black Eyed Peas album sales.

I'm into the give and the take. Our musical Venn diagram leaves plenty of room for discovery and that's the best. Discovering somebody's favorite albums and sharing your own is all part of the fun.

So, tell me again: which one is Liam and which one is Noel?

I Love Love Love That We Don't Listen To The The Exact Same Music

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I Love Love Love Guys That Listen To The Descendents

I first heard the Descendents in high school. My friend Cara played me their "Somery" CD while we were hanging out in her bedroom. It was love at first listen. They were poppy, punky, goofy, and heartfelt, all at the same time. Here's what I learned right off the bat: they like coffee, food, and silly girls. And, they hate jocks, the suburbs, and dirty sheets. The singer's name is Milo. How cute is that? What's not to love about this band?

I still put "Cheer" on all the mix tapes I make and if I see that "Bikeage" is on the jukebox you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna put it on. As soon as the notes blast through the speakers, it makes me feel like I'm 17 again.

I've already decided that I want to marry a guy who listens to the Descendents because in my experience, Descendents fans are basically edgy Boy Scouts. They:

• Are supersmart
• Have great jobs
• Are great with kids because they're total goofballs themselves
• Dress like '50s dads
• Wear cool glasses
• Are punctual
• Are sensitive (they never got the girl in high school so they identify with the underdog)

However, I'm not sure how I'd I go about finding one. They're all scene dropouts, which is cool but it makes them hard to come by. They don't party hard so I'm not going to magically run into one out at Making Time. I guess you just have to just stumble upon one, like a four-leaf clover or a pirated copy of the Wonder Years on DVD.

I love you, Descendents fans. You'll always have a coffee-mugged shaped place in my heart.

I Love Love Love Guys That Listen To The Descendents

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I Love Love Love Guys That Watch Party Down

I already knew that he was a cool guy (I could tell by his vintage Nike sneakers), so I was psyched for our first date. We were having a great time chomping down on our dinner. Then, out of nowhere, he says, "Are we having FUN yet??"

"Oh shiiiit! You watch Party Down?" I asked, delighted.

"Hell yeah!" he said.

When he rattled off his favorite lines, I smiled so wide that my cheeks started to ache. My eyebrows practically bounced of my forehead.

"Everybody go to the FUCK ROOM!" I said. He laughed so hard he almost spit out his wine through his nose.

Sir, it is a downright pleasure sharing this twelve dollar bottle of Cab Sav with you and trading our favorite plot points of the show. I can already tell that we're gonna get along just swimmingly. A++

I Love Love Love Guys That Watch Party Down

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I Love Love Love Guys With Velcro Wallets

At the end of our first date, I went to take out my wallet when the bill came. (I never assume anything when the check comes.)

"No, please. I've got it," he said. He put his hand up as if he was saying, "Put that wallet away, lady. I'm taking care of you tonight."

I smiled. As I put my wallet back in my purse, he whipped his out from his back pocket. To my delight, he produced a raggedy cloth wallet. How unpretentious! How simple! It even made that tell-tale screeeeech sound as he pulled the velcro apart to dig out his cash. My heart did a cartwheel.

I'm sure he's had it forever. You can tell because it's slightly curved from years of clinging to his ass. It was like a worn-in baseball glove, totally molded to his body. He probably got it in Chinatown for $2. Thrifty AND stylish!

And, it was thin: cash, credit cards, and air THAT'S IT. No stray scraps of paper. No receipts. No Subway club cards. No expired lotto tickets. This baby was a lean mean wallet machine. If it was a police officer, it would probably say things like, "Just the facts, Ma'am" or "Move it along folks, nothing to see here." If this wallet drank coffee, it'd take it black. If it drank whiskey, it'd drink it neat. No frills, no fuss. I can respect that.

Bravo, my dear. Bravo.

I Love Love Love Guys With Velcro Wallets

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I Love Love Love Winkers

From our honegirl, Colleen, who appreciates a good wink. I said WINK, not wank, you dirty birds.

My usual walk down the West Philly streets to work consists of looking as incognito as possible: my face is shielded behind a pair of large sun-specs, I walk as fast as the wind like I have somewhere urgent to be, and I have a face as serious as a funeral. These measures are all in an effort to avoid the embarrassment of being hit on by some of the less savory characters who frequent the sidewalks near my employer. Sorry, there'ss nothing flattering about a gentleman with track marks and crotch stains asking you if you have a boyfriend.

About a week ago, I was doing my intense, laser-like walk down the sidewalk when my eyes briefly landed on a man sitting in a PennDot truck. He winked and flashed me a smile. I continued my trot, but started to feel a smile of my own creep up on my face.

I was just winked at! In a world where women are accosted in sometimes outrageous and rude ways just to get attention by strangers who want God-knows-what, it was a sweet and gentle gesture. With one wink, this guy communicated to me, "Hey, pretty lady! You're lookin' good!" without so much as a word (and more importantly, without skeeving me out.)

So guys, take a moment to reintroduce the wink into your repertoire. If done right, it will get your point across perfectly.

Actually, I'm usually the one that does the winking. It's cute to watch him react; he looks like he just found a five dollar bill on the ground.

I Love Love Love Winkers

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I Love Love Love Guys In Cuffed Dark Jeans

When I see a hot dude cuff his dark jeans, I have to sit down and breathe into a brown paper bag to calm myself down because I usually hyperventilate. It's probably the hottest thing a guy can do besides dress up like Marty McFly for Halloween.

It's a dash of Rebel Without A Cause mixed with a splash of rockabilly and dredged in a bag of scooter enthusiast.

I want to do things to/with him. I want to slow dance with him in his kitchen. I want to sit behind him when we take his scooter out for a spin. I'd wind my arms around his waist and then I'd squeeze his thigh and then I'd...I need that paper bag again.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Yeah. *gasping for air* I like this look. Breathe in. Breathe out. *gasping for air* A LOT.

I Love Love Love Guys In Cuffed Dark Jeans

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I Love Love Love Nicknamers

From our reader Steph(anie), who likes it when a guy takes control and abbreviates her name:

I love it when a guy feels comfortable enough to call me by my nickname. When I introduce myself to a new dude, I usually say some variation of, "Oh, hi! I'm Stephanie. Nice to meet you." But I love it when right away, he feels that he can call me Steph.

We'll enjoy a fun evening out with our mutual friends and before the night's over we'll exchange info. Even after we've known each other for a while, I still sign my emails to him as "-Stephanie." And I love it when he replies, "Hey Steph."

Did I give him permission to call me Steph? No! Only my nearest and dearest friends call me that. But if he's ballsy enough to drop the Steph-bomb, I'll go with it. It lets me know that he's confident and he feels comfortable with me; all good things in my book.

Now, if he starts calling me Stephie, then we'll have a problem.

This happened to me the other week when I met a guy and he started calling me "Anna Banana" right off the bat. I felt closer to him as soon as he said it because that's my nickname with my friends. It piqued my interest, shall we say.

On a side note, "Anna Banana" is also my Garbage Pail Kid name. See?

In an irony of ironies, I hate bananas

I Love Love Love Nicknamers

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I Love Love Love Guys That Listen to the Misfits

I first heard the Misfits in high school. My boyfriend played them for me when we were driving in his car.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"The Misfits. They're one of my favorite bands." He inched the volume up a few clicks.

"Oh, yeah. I've heard of them before, I've just never heard them."

He took his eyes off the road and looked at me. "They just sound so romantic, you know?"

Romantic. Hmmm. I had to let that tumble around my head a bit. I'd never heard him use that word before to describe anything, much less a band from New Jersey that sang about werewolves, zombies, and horror hotels.

I bought their greatest hits album the next week. Their image seemed savage, what with the devil's locks and skulls, but their music was actually pretty tame with choruses that seemed ripe for sing-a-longs. The grittiness of the guitar work appealed to me; it sounded like it'd been dragged through dirt. I put "Return of the Fly" and "Some Kind of Love" on all of my mix tapes from then on. My boyfriend received their box set the following Christmas. It was shaped like a mini-black coffin and it came with a limited edition pin that said "Fiend Club" on it. I considered stealing it many times. But, I didn't. He'd notice if it went missing.

The first song I learned to play on my guitar was "Last Caress," so you can understand why I get a little charge when a guy tells me that he likes the Misfits. It warms me up to him automatically. That's probably where most of my life problems generate from: I'd pick a guy in a Misfits shirt over a guy with a 401(k).

Generally speaking, your average Misfits fan:

• looks lumpy in a suit
• has daydreamed about having a wedding on Halloween
• owns one hoodie that he wears all the time and it smells like what could only be described as "sugared armpit"
• has had the same summer "look" for almost 15 years (it's cargo shorts and a band t-shirt)
• actively posts on messageboards
• gets excited when the total due is $1.38
• is terrified of women, yet always seems to have a girlfriend
• has the eating habits of a teenage girl with PMS i.e. lots of fried foods and sweet treats
• still subscribes to skateboard magazines
• doesn't dance AT ALL unless he's wasted
• still has a healthy collection of VHS movies collecting dust in his house
• has at least one tattoo of a monster

But, I still love them. I probably always will. Here, let's listen to a song.

I Love Love Love Guys That Listen to the Misfits

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I Love Love Love Lawn Wranglers

OG Lawn Wranglers

I wanna make a tall, refreshing pitcher of lemonade for all the guys out there they do yard work on their lawns because they look SO CUTE stomping around and fixing up their house.

"Oh yeah. Spread that mulch around, baby. Clip those hedges. Trim that bush. Ride that mower round and round. Keep going. Don't stop!"

His clothes are sticky with sweat from doing heavy labor all morning. It doesn't matter because he's wearing the rattiest outfit he owns; he knew he was gonna get dirty. He banked on it.

And, I gotta say, those Umbro shorts he's sporting are practically clinging to his waist for dear life. They look pretty haggard from years of sweeping up leaves, clearing fallen branches, and cleaning out rain gutters. He's rockin' thick work gloves so he looks like a dingy version of Mickey Mouse. When he stops to wipe the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand and smiles at me, my heart melts into a puddle. That's my man gettin' grimy and it's adorable!

I'm sitting on the porch with my face my hands watching him grunt around in the grass like a caveman and all I can think about is poppin' that sweaty tee off when he's done and pushing him into a cold shower. Rawr.

I Love Love Love Lawn Wranglers

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I Love Love Love Introduction Champs

From our reader Tanya who is very pleased to make your acquaintance:

Wassssssup?

We're out for the evening and we bump into his parents' friend. Or, we're out at a movie and a buddy of his from school is seated in the audience next to us. Or, maybe we're out to brunch and the waiter is his cousin.

I'm just happy he introduced me in the first place, but what makes me glad is the way he did it; no hemming or hawing, no trying to figure out what to call me, no awkward beady-eyed glances in my direction before realizing that I'm biting my lip and waiting to find out who this random connection is.

No, he calmly gestures to me, does a quick, "Do you know so-and-so?" and then proceeds to say my name and give a brief rundown of my accomplishments like a freakin' pro. Did I realize he knew I've done all those things? No! And it makes me like him even more for paying attention to my background and taking pride in sitting here next to me.

I've never thought about this, but it is really cool when a guy takes the time to make a proper introduction. It shows not only good manners but good character, like when he rolls down his window to ask the car next to us if they have any Grey Poupon.

What else do you love that guys do? Email us at hi@shmittenkitten.com and get yer gush on.

I Love Love Love Introduction Champs

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I Love Love Love When Guys Sing The Song "Hunger Strike" In A Mocking Tone

"I don't mind stealing bread/ from the mouth of dec-a-dennnnnce." He's not stopping! "But, I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfillllllled."

He's getting all into it, using his hands to emphasize the lyrics. His voice mimics Eddie Vedder's comically low baritone until he reaches the chorus when he switches to Chris Cornell's ear-curdling falsetto. Wow. Just, wow.

This is probably the funniest song a guy can sing to me when we're walking down the street leaving the bar slightly buzzed. IT WILL ALWAYS BE FUNNY, like seeing people trip on the street or trading Eastbound and Down quotes with your best friends.

I Love Love Love When Guys Sing The Song "Hunger Strike" In A Mocking Tone

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I Love Love Love Guys Who Do The Worm In Formal Situations

Worming his way into my heart

I'm standing in a loose semi-circle with the rest of the party guests, clapping and cheering this breaking dancing phenom on. Holy shit, who brought this party animal to this wedding? Because I freakin' LOVE HIM!

He's flopping around the dance floor doing the worm, rented tux be damned. I don't know where he learned to do it, but he's executing the move perfectly. It's like he's bringing a little bit of street to this ballroom and I am truly delighted at his impromptu performance. 

Is he single? Does he live here in town? Is he on Facebook? I wanna know everything about this one-man entertainment center. Is he staying at this hotel? What room? I MUST FIND OUT!

What's his name? Derek? *cups hands around my mouth* GO, DEREK, GO!

I Love Love Love Guys Who Do The Worm In Formal Situations

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I Love Love Love Guys Who Refrain From Adding Me As A Facebook Friend The Day After We Meet

No medal for Chewie? What the hell?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for not adding me on Facebook the day after you met me. If I could give you a medal for your restraint, I totally would. It was a little touch-and-go there because you eagerly texted me after we exchanged numbers so I wasn't sure. But, you didn't add me, which was awesome!

I woke up the next day and peeked at my email through my fingers like I was watching a horror movie. I was like, "Eeeeek! I hope that cute guy I met last night didn't add me 'cause that'd be really weird." And, you didn't! Which was great. Totally great.

Obviously, I looked you up (and we have 13 friends in common. Yay for us!) And, I hope you looked me up too. But, you didn't do anything which is perfect. Two thumbs up. In fact, if not adding me the day after we met was a Facebook group, I'd "like" it! LOL.

So, yeah, keep that up. Wait a few weeks and see how you feel. Who knows? Maybe we can have a great online friendship and I hope we do. But, like Janet Jackson sang, "Let's wait a while." She was talking about friendship requests, right?

In conclusion, thank you for not adding me and I look forward to doing some light stalking of your profile and I hope you do the same for me. Okey doke.

I Love Love Love Guys Who Refrain From Adding Me As A Facebook Friend The Day After We Meet

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Great News: You Fucking NAILED Your First Date Outfit!

I don't know if you have a sister that's a stylist or a sassy gay best friend or what, but I gotta say that I'm FUCKING FLOORED with your first date outfit choice. A cardigan, cool sneakers, crisp jeans, A FREAKIN' NECKTIE! Oh lawdy. *mocks fanning myself*

You nailed a Triple Lindy of first date outfits. This is a perfect 10. Holy shit. I mean, I thought you were pretty cute when I met you last week, but I had NO FUCKIN' CLUE that you would whip this perfect outfit together. Did you go shopping? Were these clothes just chillin' in your closet? Were they on your floor? No! Don't tell me. It'll ruin it.

Fuck the Picasso exhibit at the Art Museum because your outfit is the real work of art in this town. AND fuck Subway and their sandwich artists because your outfit is the REAL ART here. You're an outfit artist. They should make a statue of you dressed just like this and put it in the park for all mortals to admire.

You know what? Fuck this low-key BYOB shit. I'm taking you out on the town, my dear. My friends have got to get a load of you.

Shhhhh! Don't say anything. Just let me look at you. Wow. This will work for me. I can really see us together. I SAID DON'T SPEAK! Just let me take it in.

Great News: You Fucking NAILED Your First Date Outfit!

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I Love Love Love Guys Who Can Improvise Song Lyrics To Crack Me Up

It takes a special kind of man who can magically transform Creed's "With Arms Wide Open" to "With Legs Wide Open" out of the blue. I wanna hang out with this man. All the time.

We'll pass by a dog walker corralling no less than four dogs and he'll start belting out, "I like big mutts and I cannot lie/ you other brothers can't deny/ when a poodle walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a hairy paw in your face, you get sprung!" I'm laughing so hard, I have to cross my legs 'cause I don't wanna liz.

Or, maybe he'll bust out this choice nug when we're jammin' on burritos, "Tick tock/ get up/ stop. I wanna Mex you up!" Oh shit! I just did a spittake with my delicious Mexican Coke.

Maybe you had to be there, but take it from me, I LOVE when guys do this! Keep it up, you hysterical song lyric wizards.

I Love Love Love Guys Who Can Improvise Song Lyrics To Crack Me Up

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I Love Love Love Great Gift Givers

I've warned you several times: I don't like presents. If you knew my history with bad boyfriend gifts, you'd understand. It seems as much as I think a dude knows me, he panics when it comes to gift-giving and just assumes I'm either an 80-year-old grandma or a teenage boy. Have you ever seen any indication that I'm the pink teddy bear/scented candle/Russell Stover type? And which of your awesome friends told you that when all else fails, a copy of your favorite movie will suffice? I didn't even think you could still buy The Matrix on VHS but you proved me wrong, my friend.

Bottles of liquor just make me shrug. I guess you thought of me as you passed the liquor store? Great. Gag gifts get tossed in a pile. Thanks for the Beer Beard and all, but what the hell am I gonna do with it besides have it collect dust on a shelf? Jewelry can backfire because it might clash with my style but I'll feel obligated to wear it. If you spend too much money, it's weird and if you spend no money, that can be weird too, depending on the situation. See what I mean? It's a potential minefield! 

So with these and other equally bad gifts in mind, I just save new guys the trouble (and myself the frustration) and tell them not to bother with gifts. Every once in a while though, a guy will cast aside my request and give me something anyway. And it seems every awesome gift I've ever received has knocked my socks off for one reason: THOUGHT. Yes, dudes, good gifts take some thought.

Let's say you heard me gripe a month ago about the sold-out concert I've been bummed about being unable to attend so you went online and found two tickets for double the face value and whipped them out on Valentine's Day. Not only am I completely YOURS because I get to go to the show, but I'm also blown away that while I was sitting there complaining about something, you weren't staring at my boobs or thinking about who would win in a battle between R2D2 and Wall-E, you were listening to me and trying to find a way to make it all better.

So to all you guys who are currently scouring the city for that rare EP your girl desperately wants or driving out to her favorite spot to snap an artsy picture for her, keep on keeping on with the amazing gifts. Your thoughtfulness gives us a reason to stop dreading holidays (and to finally get rid of our VCRs). And that's just awesome.

I Love Love Love Great Gift Givers

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