January 25, 2009

Break Up Extravaganza: You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em And Know When To Fold 'Em

Since the beginning of my dating career, I've been a master at the art of dumping. The first boy I ever dumped was named Max. We were 12 and we began our short lived romance at summer camp. He asked me for a dance at our camp's awkward summer social, and I accepted. At the end of our dance, he asked if I would be his girlfriend. (I guess I'm just that good of a dancer?!) I accepted, but later that night, back at my cabin, I reconsidered.

Did I really want a boyfriend? I was only 12 and the thought of kissing a boy seemed pretty gross. Would I even be good at it? Max had braces and I did not; would that matter? What if I had to sneeze? What if I caught cooties? So many questions! I panicked.

That night I devised a plan to break up with Max. The plan was--I kid you not--based around a Seinfeld episode I had seen. It's the one where George discloses his master plan of breaking up with the line, "It's not you, it's me." The next day, I penned a letter to Max on the flowery, yellow stationary my mom had bought me especially for camp. It read:
Dear Max,

Sorry I can't be your girlfriend. It's not you it's me.

My friend delivered the letter to him the next day. Max opened the letter. He cried. And, I don't mean he shed a tear or two; he full on wailed. One of the counselors had to take him aside and calm him down. It was a horrible sight. He probably still looks back on that moment with shame and regret. Needless to say, I felt horrible for upsetting him, but deep down I was sure I had done the right thing. Even at age 12, I knew I would never want to date a guy that was such a whiner!

Since then, I've broken up with more than a few boys for a gamut of reasons. I once dumped a guy because his house smelled weird. I dumped another for not taking me to the diner for a grilled cheese with tomato when I was starving. I even once dumped a guy for being an ex-cult member and being super weird about it. The list goes on. These reasons may sound frivolous or bizarre and maybe they make me sound shallow, but I honestly believe if you know someone is not right for you, you gotta cut them loose. It's as simple as that.

The last break-up I had was two days before Christmas this past year. I had been SUPER stoked about the guy and basically fallen head over heels for him. Unfortunately, it took a few months of dating for me to realize he was not the right guy for me so I cut him loose and never looked back. You gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em!

Keep in mind that whenever you end a relationship, it opens up a world of possibilities for you to better yourself. Lately, I've learned to bake bread and I'm surprising myself with how good it's coming out. I'm like the Pillsbury Dough Boy over here! It feels great to have my time and energy devoted elsewhere.

So, this is my contribution to our dating guide: If he/she's not right for you and you know it, move on. I will even go so far as to say "Hooray for breaking up!" Now you can tackle that needlepoint you always wanted to do, re-upholster your sofa, or spend time playing with your kitten! Maybe you can finish that big ass novel you never were able to muscle through. Breaking up with someone frees up a lot of your time and I believe this can be a very good thing. So, my advice is to use your free time to the best of your abilities.


Post a Comment