Wanna See Me Answering Your Dating Questions While I'm Drunk? NOW YOU CAN!

Good news! I'm now accepting submissions for a new video segment where I give readers dating advice when I'm drunk. Have a dating problem you'd like me to slur an answer to? Are you in a dating conundrum and want my take on it while I'm the opposite of sober? Email it to me at hi@shmittenkitten.com. I will give you my honest opinion about anything you wanna hear. I'm serious. Girl Scout's honor.

This is gonna be fun.

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Bonerkiller: Guys Who Walk Several Feet Ahead Of Me While We're Walking Somewhere Together

I can't even deal with this

What is this fuckery? Guys, why do you do this? Of all the Bonerkillers I've ever written about, guys who refuse to walk with me while we're walking somewhere together would be at the top of the list as one of the worst offenses he could do. It is not only rude, but it's belittling and disrespectful. I'm getting angry just thinking about it.

An old boyfriend did this to me constantly. He refused to walk with me anywhere we went. Say we pulled up to a restaurant; he'd get out of his car and bolt to the front door, ignoring my pleas to wait for me so we could walk together. Or, we'd go to the mall and he'd freakin' powerwalk ten feet ahead of me. I hated it. We'd get in fights about it regularly. Have you ever gotten in a fight about walking with someone? It's seriously the dumbest fight of all time. "OF ALL TIME! -Kanye West."

A guy did this to me recently and I pretty much lost my mind. I slowed down a bit to see if he'd notice that I wasn't keeping up with his pace and he didn't. I watched him zip up the street, leaving me behind. He didn't even care that I wasn't keeping up. You know what I did next? I stopped, turned around and walked away. Fuck it. If he can't be bothered to walk with me like a respectful human being then I can't be bothered to follow his crazy ass. He can motor on up the street and find some other girl 'cause I'm not 17 anymore and I'm not putting up with this shit. 

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It's Almost Time For A New Mix To Go Out To The Shmitten Kitten Mix Of The Month Club!

It's almost February 1st, which means it's almost time for a new mix to go out to the Shmitten Kitten Mix of the Month Club members. I have about 1,500 people signed up so far which would probably make a good-sized flash mob if we were into that sort of thing.

Is there anything you wanna hear on this month's mix? TOO BAD BECAUSE I DON'T TAKE REQUESTS! I rule over these mixes with an iron fist. Well, my fist isn't all iron. Truthfully, it's a mix of tacos, Jameson shots that I should've declined and a few tears from when I cried during Teen Mom 2 the other week. Don't judge me; I just want Leah's baby to be okay.  

Basically the deal is that I send out an exclusive mix to the Club every month. I put whatever songs I'm digging on it from Brit-pop to Motown to Indie Rock and anything in between. I take this club seriously and try my best to put something special together that I think you will love. Not like, LOVE.
So join the Mix of the Month Club already! I mean, look at our logo: how can this club not be fun?

So much free music; so much free fun. Sign up right now and get in on this. DO IT!

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Are You Ready To Ask Me Out: A Flowchart

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Pics and Vids: The Man Has A Point

via Pleated Jeans

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Behold My New Site, Party Academy!

I'm super excited to introduce you guys to my new site, Party Academy.

It's basically like if Shmitten Kitten and MTV mated and had an awesome baby then tossed it on the Internet. Here I am explaining the idea behind it:



In case you were too lazy to watch the video, here's the deal: Party Academy is a one-stop shop for whatever mood you're in. Put your iPods away because I've got--count 'em--FIVE party playlists to choose from: '60s rock 'n' roll, '70s funk soul, '80s/'90s R&B, a Cock Rock party, and last but not least, the Wildcard party which is whatever I feel like watching. Just pick a party, push play, set it on fullscreen mode and you're off. I'll constantly tweak the playlists as I think of new songs to add. And, feel free to drop a line if you have any song requests or a party playlist to suggest as well.

While you're on the Internet, be sure to check out both my tumblr site, Shlooby Kitten, and my personal site, AnnaGoldfarb.com. Whew! Ok. Have a great weekend!

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Story Time: Which Celebrities Do Your Exes Look Like (If You Squint Your Eyes In A Dark Room)?

I'm immobilized on my couch in the middle of a gripping five-hour FriendZone marathon and an ad popped up on screen featuring Tom Arnold. Are you still with me here? Ok. Well, it occurred to me that Tom Arnold sorta looks like my ex which made me make the face on the right. Picture Tom Arnold in a black hoodie chomping on a slice of pizza while complaining about the Phillies and BAM! that's basically my (ex-)man. So then I thought about other dudes I've dated who've all looked like busted versions of famous people. Like, if we ever had a Lifetime movie dramatizing our relationship, I'd already know who could step in to play his role. (Naturally, my part would be played by Zooey Deschanel but she'd have to be CGI-ed to appear a foot taller and about six sizes bigger.) Thinking back, my exes have all sorta looked like:

• Jason Schwartzman
• Ryan Gosling
• David Spade
• Jeremy Renner
• Fred Savage
• Jarvis Cocker
• Harry Potter
• Michael J. Fox
• Kirk Cameron
• Colin Farrell
• Al Capone from Boardwalk Empire
• Milhouse from The Simpsons
• Rick Moranis

So, I wanna know, what celebrity doppelgangers have you dated? Tell me in the comments!

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Bonerkiller: Guys Who Wrap Their Clothing Around Their Waist When They're Dancing

He probably thinks that it's convenient way to store his crewneck but he's wrong. At least make an effort to stash it somewhere secure like behind a speaker because I would rather he toss the garment into the mouth of a live lion than twist it around his waist while we're dancing together. I don't know if he's trying out for Disgruntled Beat Poet #4 in the Singles movie sequel or what but just knowing that there's fabric flapping around his backside like an open hatch on Santa's pajamas is making me look around the place for someone else to talk to. How am I supposed to sustain eye contact with him when it looks like he's getting a hug from a clingy third grader the entire night? I can't!

Even Brody knows it's grody

You know who can pull off this look? Gaunt waifs: end of list. You can sling your shirt around your hips if and only if your first name is either Ashley or Mary Kate and your last name is Olsen. You have to be drinking a venti-sized cup of some bullshit, have a purse roughly half the size of your body, and be in a hurry to buy cigarettes/ gas for your car/ a bottle of Smartwater. That's it.

See? You gotta be doing a walk of shame between two mansions, not trying to grind on my leg to a Missy Elliot song. It's not hot so knock it off!

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