October 1, 2013

Real Talk: Ain't Nuthin' Wrong With Sending Texts From the Toilet

Your man texts you a funny meme from the third page of Imgur or Reddit. You giggle and continue about your day and think nothing of it. Like most text messages, it zips out of your consciousness as soon as you tuck your phone back into your purse.

Maybe if it's an especially compelling text, you'll send a series of emojis back--a pancake next to a crab and a cat with a party hat on, or a martini glass next to the waving and dancing lady. I'm a big fan of the thumbs up next to the smiley face wearing sunglasses because that's how I roll.


But, in all likelihood, I’d imagine that at least 35% of these daytime texts are composed sitting upon a man's most sacred throne: the toilet. In fact, the odds that a man is texting a woman at this very moment from the porcelain confessional are overwhelming. It's more pervasive than outraged tweets about the government shutdown.

For those of you who refuse to accept that nature and technology converge on the regular, you need to get over it. It’s not that big of a deal. You probably didn’t even know he was texting you from the toilet when it was happening. It's a victimless crime, like taking two samples at Costco or tearing the tags off your mattress.


After recently receiving what I know to be several texts from the time squatter, I felt that toilet texting is wildly misunderstood. It's got a bad rep. In fact, I think toilet texting should be viewed as a positive sign in a relationship for a couple of reasons.
1. Time spent at the thunderdome is a sacred time for people. It’s when a man can let his hair down, escape from life's stressors, catch up on his Facebook feed and maybe play a few rounds of Words With Friends. It’s a time of meditation and self-centering. If your man is taking the time out of his daily 2:00 PM meeting to drop you a line while he's dropping a deuce, he probably likes you.

2. It means that your beau doesn't take himself too seriously. Maybe I’m just foul-minded and hopeless, but I don’t mind a man who can laugh at himself, especially when his pants are around his ankles. It evens the playing field for women like me, all of whom are prone to fits of inappropriateness and the giggles.

3. It’s funny when your man leaves the room for fifteen minutes and starts texting you from across the house. That’s a toilet text and the fact that he’s not ashamed of it is good fucking news to me. I can always use a good meme and a guy who can make me laugh. But, gentlemen, if you think that your woman hasn't done it too, you’re fucking kidding yourself.
Toilet texting is one of the joys of living in 2013. So next time you hear someone cracking up in the can, know that he's 'avin' a laff in the loo on his mobile while he takes a wee (that's British!).

3 comments:

Gayle said...

HAHAHA!!!! I love #3! But you are so right. What's the big deal of getting a throne text anyway?

Francis Porter said...

Does it really matter at all where you send a text from!. Its not like anyone can hear you, like when you phone. most people just end up texting when they have a few spare minutes.

Rebecca said...

whats the big deal about toilet texting, its irrevelent and no one knows about where you are texting from. Its not as if you are speaking on the phone or you can be seen texting.

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