January 5, 2009

Dear Shmitten Kitten: Where Are All The Hot Young Dudes In This Town? (aka The Million Dollar Question)

We got a letter from one of our readers who needs guidance about Philly's dating world. Naturally, she turned to us. Let's put on our reading glasses and see what's up:
Dear Shmitten Kitten,

I just got out of a year+ relationship that I was in when I moved here, so I've never been single in the city. I figured you girls would know best: where is there for a single girl to meet people? Thanks!

Signed,
Help Me, Shmitten Kitten, You're My Only Hope
Well, HMSKYMOH, you've come to the right place. If there is anyone who knows where the dudes are, it's us. Step right up and let's take a look-see. Imagine us on my rooftop, surveying the city below us. I'm gonna give this to you straight so buckle up.

If you're looking for over-educated, emotionally unavailable Elvis Costello-type drunks, I would suggest milling around Center City's premiere dive bar, McGlinchy's. If you wanna date a guy who will spend half of your date checking his hair in his cell phone's reflection, you could pick up a dude at the Barbary. If you wanna hear the phrase, "Wanna go back to my place and listen to the demo I just recorded?" then hustle on over to Johnny Brenda's. Wanna meet a guy who has a sweet record collection but doesn't have a real job and is in his thirties? Go grope 'em at the Pope. Do you wanna hang with a guy who picks fights with cabbies and walks around in nothing but a shiny blue shirt in the middle of winter? You have your pick of Old City watering holes. I'm not even going to include West Philly dudes because you're not gonna wanna deal with the schlep to their drafty flophouse. Maybe you should consider going to Making Time, the anything-goes-funfest. If you can't hook up at that party, then you must be dead. Or asleep.

What's that? Oh, you want to date a normal dude, not just have a fast and sleazy hook-up? Oh jeez. I don't know what to tell you. Actually, this blog is about how we can't get a boyfriend so this is kinda awkward. Maybe the new fiction section at Barnes & Noble? Or, Reading Terminal Market on the weekends? Take a yoga class? Take a page from Meg Ryan's book and get an AOL account. Who knows? We haven't--ahem--cracked that code yet. Maybe there's some magical place in town where single guys magically wait for us lovely ladies to pluck them from singlehood. Well, it does exist and it's called OkCupid.com and it's actually a pretty terrifying place.

Our verdict: dudes seem to only come to you when you aren't sweating them. So, don't sweat it. Also, alcohol helps.

Do you have a question for us about some important life quandry? Drop a line to hi@shmittenkitten.com and we'll give it the ol' college try.

27 comments:

dianca_london said...

Don't forget Kungfu Necktie. That place is packed with would be Nylon coverboys

elizabeth marley said...

Let me say one thing about the Barbary: even though the male crowd has (lately) been into other males, there are some v. cute boys to be had at the Barbary! I'm not sure if I can give away my trade secrets here, but they're an easy kill around 12:30. Promise.

Anna said...

Dianca- Good point about KFN. Thanks for including it. I will have to say that I can't identify a KFN dude; it seems like they are just a mix of either a JB's or Barbary crowd. Do you think the place has its own identity yet?

Elizabeth, I'm totally with you on this one. At least for me, the guys I meet at the Barbary all want my phone number; they never just wanna smooch. It's kinda of annoying because that means that I'll get a bunch of random, unfunny text messages but no action. Lame!

Pete said...

We are around. You just need to search.

Anna said...

Well, help us out Pete. Where do you hang out? Are we missing something obvious?

Lightning's Girl said...

I've learned that hanging out with the Kitten in Chief is how to get dudes to talk to me... catnip for boys I tell ya!

Anna said...

Ahaha! I'll be your wing-woman anytime, Tracy.

The only guys I seem to attract lately are married men so I'm probably the least qualified of anyone to offer advice on this subject. Just ask Wolfgang.

Robert said...

As an attractive single blond Adonis, I've frequented just about every douche-stuffed place in question (including okcupid) and have wondered the same thing: where are all the noncrazed/nonflaketastic broads Philadelphia has to offer. Then I remembered that there is typically someone of quality to be found at each place at some point or another. Ladies...the same goes for hot dudes as well. So there!

Anna said...

Touche, Robert. Send us a pic. I wanna check out your Adonis-ness!

Pete said...

We can be found all around. On bikes, in cars, on streets, in bars.

PS. Girls in Philly are much worse than dudes.

Many cool dudes will be at England Belongs To Twee on Jan 17th.

Anna said...

Whoa there, Dr. Seuss! How are WE worse than dudes? So, you insult Philly women then invite us to your party? Why would you want us at your party if we're so crummy?

I'm not even offended, I'm just curious.

love and hearts and rainbows,
anna

Pete said...

not crummy. Just elusive.

I like Philly women.

I retract my statement. Should have read....

PS. Girls in Philly are much worse OFF than dudes.

The Jamisonian said...

All the guys at KFN are in relationships. FYI.

Brian said...

We are kind of hiding in plane sight, problem is we are usually surrounded by a bunch of jerks.

Take any group of guys that are out at a bar. Eliminate the two or three obviously egocentric morons, and what you have left are the normal dudes.

As for an actual spot, I'll throw out the Ten Stone (you just have to ignore the couples). Most the guys there (me at least) would be normal down to earth dudes that actually have a job.

Anna said...

You have a job? Brian, send us a picture. Ladies, if you wanna date with Brian, drop us a line!

Maybe we can play matchmaker here. (Head's up: if you are under 5'8, I might just have to snap you up myself.)

joel said...

it is hard for men and women, but most dudes I know are in relationships but I know a handful of brillant and beautiful ladies that are waiting for an awesome guy. I personally like the idea of meeting in a book store, or at whole foods, or at an author talk at the Free Library. Someplace without alcohol, because sure it is the gris that helps facilitate a fun night, it also leads to awkwardness afterward. Remember, everyone is friends when they are drinking, but sober is another story. The conversation about how much you like this song, or the last time you were that drunk loses it's appeal. Just a little insight from a taken dude, who prefers smart ladies.

Pete said...

I support a matchmaker plan. Set it up Anna!

Anna said...

Joel, you are such a class act, through and through. Seriously, can we clone you?

Pete, I'm up for it. Anyone else in? I'll do a proper post about it in case people haven't read down to the 18th comment.

JP said...

National Mechanics is a diamond in the Old City rough. The men are sharp and can sling a one-liner like Ted Mosby on speed. The women are hot with hearts of gold. The beer is top notch and they serve bacon martinis. BACON martinis.

Anna said...

Interesting. I've always liked Skinners better, as far as Old City bars go. But, I'm open to this. If you buy me a bacon martini, JP, I'll show up.

JP said...

@Anna: Done. I'll be there tomorrow (Saturday) at 7 for some birthday dinner & drinks. I'll be the one that's Suited Up.

Anna said...

You'll be wearing a suit? That's all the info I get? You might as well tell me, "I'll be the guy there with eyebrows." Haha!

JP said...

I'll be the guy with the eyebrows IN the suit. Akshully, maybe jeans. But DEFINITELY a purple shirt, black and purple tie, black jacket, and a step with a spring in it. Probably glasses. Also a smile. If that's not enough, for you I'd consider wearing one red shoe.

Anna said...

Just for the record, JP did wear all of the above things. This guy is amazing!

And, yes, I did pick up on the NPH reference about suiting up--aka Neil Patrick Harris, for all of you not in the know.

polianarchy said...

Joel, will you be at TC Boyle's talk at the Free Library?

bianca said...

Anna,

Add in a few superquick left-hand ring scans at The Marvelous (who only browses records there?!), flirting at Karaoke Obscura or tech-karaoke, and scouting unpaired dudes in line at Sabrina's, aaaaand you have my life. In the past 4-months, since I parted ways with my ex (who I, oddly enough, ditched while in costume on halloween night)... I, too, have ventured into the dangerous virtual warground of okcupid, and have only come out with a stronger desire to buy more pepperspray. After one date in particular, I decided that okcupid actually makes Philadelphia more creepy. The horror.

Online dating hasn't entirely beaten me to a pulp yet (kinda like how my mother would if she knew I met boys online...) but it certainly gets exhausting. Out of the dozen, I have met a few nice unhitched fellows, but most of them are leaning on (or have stepped into) their 30's-- and while the interests are similar and conversation is mostly great, the life experience isn't syncing up (i'm a recent grad) in the romantic, gooey-pink-lip-gloss way I'd imagined it would.

Like anyone else, I'd love to meet the right person someday. And right now I love the freedom of being single, and I have fun dating. But recently, my faith in the opposite sex (in this city at least) currently resembles feta cheese and is starting to crumble in a similar fashion. I think we need to have a chat about this matchmaking rendezvous.

Bianca

Herbie said...

so did any of these ladies show up to England Belongs to Twee at the Khyber last night??

Post a Comment