February 10, 2009

Bonerkiller: Single Red Rose-Giver

Maybe it's just a crazy coincidence, but looking back over our dating history, we realize that it has never worked out with a dude who had given us a single red rose as a gesture of affection. To quote the guy that Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes quoted, that shitshow rose "ain't nothin' but drug store lovin'."

For one thing, it's all stiff from the heavy plastic it's wrapped in and it doesn't smell like anything because it has a six inch plastic sleeve on top of it. Besides, what do you do with one flower? It looks pathetic in a vase, all raggedy and wilting like a corpse's finger.

And, the single rose is loooooong. It's too big to fit in my purse so I guess I'll just have to carry it around all night. It's even creepier if he buys the flower off an old guy on the street. We don't want your street flower! Save your two bucks and just complement us on our dress. Believe me, you'll get the same results.


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