June 28, 2009

Little Known Fact: I Will Judge You By Your Email Address

It's pretty much Gmail or bust over here in Shmitten Kittenville. If you use anything else for your personal email, we will judge you accordingly. Having a Gmail account means that you appreciate functional design and progressive technology. I'm not saying that we'll be a perfect match--and, we won't hesitate to block you on gchat if it doesn't work out--but, it's a promising start. When we see that you have a Gmail address, we let out a little sigh of relief, like maybe you won't show up to our first date wearing the dreaded blue-o duo: a bluetooth and a shiny blue button down shirt. Yesssssss!

A Yahoo address is eh. It's alright. It's not the worst, but it makes us think that you're still stuck in the '90s. You've probably had that address since high school and you're too clueless to upgrade. Let me guess: you still have a Blockbuster card too. Let me take another guess: you probably have a CD binder in your car and a polyphonic ringtone on your chunky Nokia. And, if it's something silly like scoobydoo14@yahoo.com, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that you're secretly a teenage gamer that slams Mountain Dews by the bottle.

On the shitlist: Hotmail, MSN, Comcast, and--cringe cringe cringe--AOL. If we see any of those email addresses written on the cocktail napkin, it will raise an eyebrow. This email address is ancient. You probably didn't even pick it; we bet that it was set-up for you by your techie cousin in 1996. You probably only use the Web to check your email, check the weather, and to monitor your stock portfolio. Just thinking about you logging in to Hotmail bums me out. And, your email address is telling me that you basically hate the Internet. Already your prospects are dimming.

If your hobby is referenced in your email address, like surferdude98@hotmail.com or njscooterkid@aol.com, we will assume that you are barely legal. It's like Chris Hensen will jump out of a kitchen if we even think about emailing you back. We also will assume that you slather gel on your bangs so that they are all stiff and pointy.

The only exception to these rules is if you have your own customized account, like donald@trump.com or joe@totallyawesome.com. The other exceptions are if you have a school address or your work address. We are neutral to positive about that. Although, it's a little puzzling why you're using that instead of Gmail. To paraphrase Busta Rhymes, if you really wanna party with me, get a freakin' Gmail address.

*Apparently, my Mom thinks that I'm being way too judgmental in this post. She frowned when she read it. (Just between us, she has a Yahoo address so I think she's being defensive.) What do you think? Am I being too critical or am I right on the proverbial email address money?

30 comments:

jessi said...

100% BACKED.

michael dagz said...

dead on. although i would be impressed with a lady if they had a fastmail account.

Paul Miles said...

You are correct. Even *my* mom has a Gmail account (that she checks on her iPhone).

Anna said...

Paul, your Mom sounds awesome.

I did set up a Gmail account for my Mom but she never uses it. She's a resistor.

Anna said...

Michael, what's fastmail? I'm interested in impressing you.

k3v00v3k said...

i agree although i use people's email less now that facebook and twitter are taking over.

Jon Asher said...

I foresee guys that work at Comcast reading this post and making frowny faces with parenthesis and such

Anna said...

Jon, I'm totally okay with making Comcast guys frown. It's comcastfrowntastic!

gary said...

This post has made me seriously consider deleting all 7 of my gmail accounts.

Anna said...

Haha. Gary! Why?

gary said...

I didn't realize there was such identity tied to it. I didn't know I was joining a club.
I don't like how people just jump ship onto the newest slickest email. Or to put it bluntly, n00bs that trashing the old school.
I wish I still had my Juno email address.

Anna said...

Whoa there, Gary! I didn't realize that it'd have such an effect on you. I'm totally talking in generalizations here. You can have whatever email address you like. As long as you treat a woman well, who cares? I've just noticed a trend in my own life that aligns with email addresses. Maybe it's not the same for everyone.

A guy can send me smoke signals instead of email, I don't care as long as he's rad.

Just kidding, it'd be really weird if he sent smoke signals. I'd prefer an email. Preferably using gmail.

Ryan said...

Gmail all the way. It's the forward-thinking person's address.

Diane said...

you're right on. when i found out a guy i was crushing on uses a hotmail account, checking msn all the time, a little part of me cringed up so tight that it hurt. a little ice and advil was needed...

Anna said...

Diane, you totally feel my pain! Haha.

thesimplicity said...

It's possible that many people using school/work/personal domain addresses are in fact running Gmail. Most of my domain names have Google Apps installed on them (Gmail, Calendar, Docs) and my work uses the fancy business verson of Gmail for it's email system.

J said...

See, this is all part of Google's plan to take over the world. Google is Skynet, people.

Now let me sign into my Gmail account so I can post this comment...

JP Toto said...

This is how I know I'm growing, emotionally, as a functional member of society. A couple years ago I traded in my yahoo account and CD portfolio for a Gmail address and an iPod car adapter.

Word to the 30+ crowd who keep it real.

Anna said...

Haha, JP! Yes, we keep it real. Real awesome! Oh, we need to revisit our poker night idea. I still wanna do that.

drawonthewalls said...

I concur; I've been a gmail snob since the beta.. and boys who had gmail way back when used to get instant nerd cred... but now anything else makes me a wee bit skeptical. I thought it was just me being a little harsh since I work with technology for a living... but apparently other kittens and ladies in town agree!

The only other type of account that dosen't make me raise my eyebrows is a school account of some sort.

Jackie said...

I definitely agree with this!! AND this goes hand in hand with the "Tip Our Hats" for the guys that crack us up on gchat. If you don't have it... I feel like there is an element of our relationship missing.

I'm a twenty-something that has dated a wide age range of men. Fellow twenty-somethings = Gmail Thirty-somethings = yahoo and the one forty year old I dated had and AOL account... yikes!

haveboard said...

Note: gmail is in still BETA, just like a lot of our relationship statuses.

Also, my main email address breaks a rule but I think it my be included as an exception.

missrachael said...

I don't use gmail because I hate their threaded conversations. It's like a black hole for email.

But then, I still have a Livejournal too.

Anna said...

A helpful hint, Miss Rachel: conversations are grouped by the subject line. If you change the subject when you reply to an email, it will start a new thread.

The more you know!

keyjingleclick said...

Hey. I have AOL. I fugging HATE it. I use the internet a lot. I love the internet. If I didn't have an interest in having some semblance of a social life, I would spend all my time on it.

BUT...you're right. I have been using this email since I was a youngin. Which is exactly why I've kept it (and no, it's not something creepy or crazy or obscure). All my newsletters, friends, old friends, new friends, email lists and junk like that are assigned to it. Sure, I could just get my AOL to forward to my gMail (yes, I have one), but the last time I tried that it didn't work out too well.

So honestly? I might change my email. It would be really awesome if I mainly used my gMail one. But I'm lazy. I don't want to go to all the trouble. So deal with it.

But thanks for letting me know. Next time I'll just give people my Twitter. Or my gMail, I guess since that gets forwarded to my AOL account.

D said...

I stand by my aol account.. I use that for business contacts and such...

My gmail account is for the girls I pick up off craigslist

verygoodyear said...

I use my domain email or gmail acct for anything professional or meeting new people. hotmail acct I've had for like 10 years still gets daily use from old friends (and I use MSN Messenger w/it).

Grant said...

I use gmail all the time. My gmail account is actually my name, and despite being a gamer I don't have numbers and random characters in it! Hooray!

kitwench said...

I figure, if someone's judging me by what email address I'm using, they're likely way too superficial to bother with, so really it's a favor to both of us!

surroundsound82 said...

is my juno account ok?

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