June 11, 2009

Things I'm Terrible At: Online Dating

If online dating were a subject in high school, we'd fail. We'd have to re-take the class in summer school, but we'd fail that, too. The school would withhold our diploma until we passed the damn class. And, after our third attempt at trying to pass the class, to the dismay of our friends and loved ones, we would drop out of school and get a job at ITT Tech.

The point: we are terrible at online dating! We've dipped our toe in almost every dating site, like Goldilocks testing porridge. So far, none have been a good fit. It's ranged from being mildly unpleasant to being downright terrifying (Jdate, we're looking at you.)

We find the whole online dating experience extremely anxiety-inducing. We hate:
  • Coming up with witty little answers about our interests.
  • Uploading photos for strangers to judge.
  • Being inadvertently matched up with guys we've already dated.
  • When guys contact us incessantly and blow up our inbox demanding to know why we haven't written back.
  • The stats letting us know who's looked at our profile and it's all hillbilles and divorced dads that live 50 miles away. It's creepy!
What the hell? We know it's possible to find true love online, but unfortunately, we don't have the chops to find it. We are obviously terrible at it. What do you guys think? Is it just us? Is there a site that you swear by?


Planet Caroline said...

I hate it when women say they are a total fail at online dating. Makes us sound like we are intrinsically flawed. Or weak and whiny. We aren't- we are fabulous and must act that way. I look at the crazy online dating moments as hilarious and often fun. For example, here are some true stories:

*Guy gets so drunk he practically passes out on date at Tria in Philadelphia. Pure win because I have told story 25 more times for epic lulz.

*A guy barely out of high school, unemployed and lives with his folks pesters me on IM. Hey, I was just hating my body watching America's Next Top Model anyway. What's a few wasted moments on chat? Tyra Banks is way over-rated anyway.

*Guy I really like dumps me leaving me heartbroken. I call a few friends, Twitter about it, and go out dancing to shake off my pain. While dancing, I flirt with a very cute guy. Turns out cute guy ends of dancing with another cute guy. Because I am completely narcissistic it takes me an hour to realize that they were gay. And just not that into me. (at all) Oh well. The dancing was fun.

Really, it's time to jump off the failboat and defiantly call every mistake and mis-step a success. Isn't that what straight guys do all the time?


aka Caroline815

Anna said...

Well, I'm not trying to speak for all women. I'm talking about what I'M terrible at. My sister met her husband online and they are expecting their first child together. Clearly, people can do it much better than I can.

That's awesome that you can find the humor in it. That's what we try to do, too.

I hope I don't sound weak or whiny. That's not my intention. I'm just letting other girls out there know that they aren't alone if they find the world of online dating intimidating or unfulfilling.

Trust me, there are plenty of things that I'm great at. I'm just not one to boast.

polianarchy said...

OMG y'all always find the most hiLARious pictures & photographs to illustrate your posts! I'm LOLing! I <3 this blog. :)

As for the topic at hand, I have met most of my LTRs online. Of course, seeing as how that's plural, I can't really recommend it as a replacement to meeting dudes out-and-about. What I would do is sign up for a few sights, fill out all the crapola, and then date-date-date until I either find a boyfriend or give up. Then, I delete all my profiles, wait a year, and start the whole debacle anew. I think the trick is to straight-up DELETE your profiles. It's fairly obvious who's had their page up since 2004, and that's such a buzzkill.

Favorite site: OKCupid. I'm (still!) dating a sweet hot nerd I met back in Januaty.

Worst ever: Craigslist. Abandon all hope....

thesimplicity said...

Most of my profiles on dating sites just contain a picture of me and a link to this questionnaire: http://bit.ly/iamjudgingyou

I am pretty analytical about online dating and it works. If true love can't be measured by a spreadsheet, how good can it possibly be?

miss bee said...

i have a story (errr, stories?) for you!

probably the best match date i've ever been on (and i use "best" loosely): http://thebeeindc.blogspot.com/2008/07/heres-another-awesome-date-so-ive-been.html

trust me, i did jdate back in 2006 (sidebar: i am not a jew) and then i did Match both in DC/MD and then briefly in PA. the philly dude was awesome, we went on three dates in the span of three weeks or so, had a great time, he cooked me dinner one night. then he emailed me at midnight one night (after not returning my phone call from earlier that day or gchatting me even though we were both on) to say i'm just not that into you. essentially. he didn't "feel" it. you know, when he was COOKING ME DINNER AT HIS HOUSE, he didn't feel it.

oof. so in conclusion, i feel ya sister. also, eharmony told my friend that she was unmatchable. so i've sworn off even trying eharmony, because Who Says That To A Girl Who's Already Upset Enough About Having To Look To The Internet In The First Place To Find A Date? eharmony sucks.

Erin said...

I was lucky and met my current boyfriend online. He posted an ad on Craig's list and I read it when I was bored at work. I thought he sounded really nice, so decided to reply. I made up a new email account just in case he turned out to be a freak, but it worked out great! We have been together for 6 months and it is still awesome.

casserolesforcancer said...

Ignighter.com helped a lot. It's a group dating site, so my friends and I all sat down and made up those witty interests together. And you go out as a group, so it's way less awkward. Haven't found true love yet, but I've met a lot of great people.

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