August 13, 2009

Quick Rant: Why Can't More Guys Be "Nice?"

I had a guy tell me after seven months of "dating" that he never actually liked me, he was "just being nice" the whole time. I thought surely he must have liked me a little bit. "What about the vacation we just took together?" I asked him. "And the countless homecooked dinner dates and flowers?"

"Uhhh. I dunno," he stammered. "I was just being nice. I'm a nice person."

WTF? Now that I know he was apparently never into me, it got me thinking how if that's the case, then why aren't more guys just nice?! I could certainly use some free dinners and affection from people that don't care for me whatsoever but just want to be "nice." In fact, if his behavior was typical of what a nice person does, then every guy I've ever met has been downright mean. Next time someone introduces me to a "nice" friend, I'll be pissed if they don't bring flowers and pay for my drinks and shower me with attention and tell me how cute I am, because apparently that's what people do when they don't like you but are just trying to be nice.

It would go like this: "Hello there Mr. Nice guy! What do you mean you don't want to take me out for movies and dinner and lavish me with presents and help me stumble home drunk and take me to concerts and parties and call me pretty and take me on vacation? What an asshole! I thought you were supposed to be nice!" (So-called "nice" person retracts from handshake and backs away slowly, twittering to his followers about my insane behavior.)

18 comments:

Dennis said...

uhm? Sounds like a cop-out to me.

And as for "nice guys" - they finish last in the dating pool. You girls say you want them, but it's not how it goes.

(perhaps if I was less "nice" to the girl I like, I wouldn't be stuck in the f-zone, but oh well)

Jon K said...

We can platonically go out and have me spend money on you as long as we get to have some platonic sex later.

I have a very small kitchen there just simply isn't enough room for me to make enough cakes so that you can both possess AND eat them.

Anna said...

Dennis, this post is sarcastic. Lora really dug this dude and he shrugged off their entire relationship as him just being nice. That sucks!!

Yeah, we girls want "nice guys" just as much as any other human being on the planet, but we don't want a guy to tell us that the only reason they kicked it with us was out of courtesy. You know what I mean? Would you ever say that to a girl you dated for almost a year?

Julia said...

I think if you replaced "nice" with "pussy" that would be more accurate.

Jon K said...

Hahah OK Julia is my favorite person of the day.

Dennis said...

OK... I knew something wasn't quite right but for some reason the sarcasm escaped me. I'm normally quicker.

Julia: FTW!

Danielle said...

I have to agree with most of the points made but to speak to the "nice" guy comment... We really just want you to be honest, so don't treat us like your girlfriend if you don't actually want us to be!

Anna said...

Well put, Danielle!

Lora said...

I neglected to mention that his idea of "just being a nice person" included having multiple make-out sessions. How polite of him to do so! I wonder if he's equally as nice to his grandmother.

Fritsky said...

I wonder if he just does that with everyone once he hits the seven-month mark. Hunt down the other girls he's "dated" and get their stories.

LizardQueen said...

Just wanted to say a quick word to the Dennis types: There are plenty of us out there that really, and truly, want a nice guy. I've never understood the attraction to jackasses really. I mean call me crazy, but I think sweet guys are seriously attractive. And I'm NOT thinking I want that and then actually going out with jackasses. I'm serious. Nice guys are hot. (Not Lora's type of "nice" guy that we all seem to agree was actually a jackass.)

Diane said...

Julia is spot-on, dead-center, took-the-word-right-out-of-my-mouth right. And I am with LizardQueen on this one. The girl's just not that into you, and that might possibly be because she's immature about relationships. Which means that even if she did go out with you, she wouldn't end up being right for you. It's like when girls waste time going after the jerk that won't treat her the way she wants - don't waste anymore of your time being upset about it. Go find someone awesome that appreciates how awesome you are. (This is all way easy for me to say as a third-party person, by the way, as compared to when I'm hung up on a guy that's not that into me.)

Diane said...

(Apparently, this all sparked a lot for me to say, so I decided to break it into two comments, and then I'll shut my yap.)
As for Lora's "nice guy": what a douchenozzle. I've heard this "just trying to be nice" excuse from a few guys now (some were merely confiding in me, so I'm not just pulling from my bitter stack). Some guys don't know how to say, "Hey, this isn't right for me, so let's not waste each other's time." They're afraid of being an ass by breaking off a relationship (even if it's still just at the dating stage). So they convince themselves that if they just keep going along with it, that's being more kind to the girl... maybe she'll get over him and then drop him and he can come out with a clear conscience. Honestly, stupid logic, made by even some of the most intelligent of lads. It's an awful way to treat someone, and the effort to be "nice" turns out to fail completely and makes me, er I mean, the girl want to kick the guy in the shins repeatedly. Stop it, guys!

Melanie said...

That actually happened to me a few years ago...I feel you! haha

BradyDale said...

Totally sucks. Sounds like he didn't want to talk about the real problem. I know in some difficult conversations when I was just over something (not necessarily love) I've given some b.s. reason because if I gave the real one it would turn into a debate or conversation or some attempt at problem solving and the truth is I was just done, no matter what happened, and really wanted to skip it. Which is selfish, I know, but it's an explanation.

Nice guys do finish last, tho. Thanks for calling the non-aggressive pussies, tho, Julia. That was cool.

Julia said...

Brady

It has nothing to do with non-aggressive, it has everything to do with stringing along a girl because you are too scared to deal with the uncomfortable feelings of rejecting her. I have been on the receiving end of this, its just not cool.

BradyDale said...

Aw, I read straight thru the thread and it sounded like you were replying to Dennis, who was basically saying that nice guys finished last and it looked as if you were saying that there are nice guys and then there are pussies.
The internet and it's misunderstandings. There's no question that stringing people along is bogus.

dani said...

this happened to me before too! UGH you stupid pussy men. Julia wins forever with that comment.

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