August 16, 2009

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: His Bathroom Towel

I'm supposed to dry my body with this? The towel he just handed me is both the size and texture of a cat's tongue. No wait, a cat's tongue is probably more absorbent. This is so small! It can barely cover one boob, much less two of 'em! As an added bonus, I get to run from the bathroom to his room wrapped in this postage stamp-sized mini-towel, lest I flash his roommate unwittingly.

I'm pretty sure that he got it when he went to college and he hasn't washed it since Clinton was in office. It is all matted like a homeless man's dreadlock. Not to get all technical here, but a towel only really has one job: to dry. This shithow South Philly towel he expects me to use is clearly not drying me. Rather, it's just pushing the water around and scratching my skin. It's starting to hurt.

Yes, using his towel is like being scratched by a homeless man's dreadlock while I'm in a sprint. And, that just makes me sad.


thesimplicity said...

I have friends that still haven't grasped the idea behind having more than one towel, despite approaching thirty and/or marriage.

Dude, if I'm crashing at your place, I don't want to have to use that freaky gray towel you haven't washed since college.

Not to mention that it seems to have reached a strange state of perma-moist two or three years ago... no matter how long he seems to have gone without a shower, the towel is always wet when I go to dry my hands. Utterly disgusting.

Jon K said...

Hey I can't speak to the texture of the towel because let's face it, I'm worth the thread count, but perhaps you should consider that the size of that towel is a calculated decision. I mean really. Oh no! You're pretty much naked again? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?

Anonymous said...

Don't guys know you're supposed to wash towels? WTF? Last time I took a shower at a guy's house, I had to air dry because his *one* towel had yeast infection written all over it. Come on, gentlemen. Please.

Anonymous said...

Guy's know how to wash towels, they don't know how to THINK ABOUT washing a towel. They know how to clean/move their crap from guest bedroom before their parents come in for Thanksgiving, they just don't know how to THINK about or REMEMBER that it's something they need to do. I swear the part of their brain that looks at a future event and can figure all the steps required for it is missing.

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