August 19, 2009

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: His Shower

There is no less than a quarter-inch of shampoo left in each of these crusty, dank plastic bottles. They're propped up on the edge of the tub like a police line-up. Here are the usual suspects: White Rain, Suave, V05, Fructis, and Selsun Blue. The worst worst worst is any kind of combined shampoo and conditioner product like Prell. Those are an affront to my tresses.

This isn't my first rodeo; I know that using any of these low-budget shampoos will turn my luscious locks into flat, lifeless straw. I'm not a shampoo snob--well, maybe I am--but, I'd rather use plain water than lather up with this moldy shampoo graveyard. You don't have to be a metrosexual Aveda freak, but a little bit of a higher-end shampoo would go a long way. They sell them at Target. Splurge.

That one cracked bar of plain white soap is making me feel like I'm sudsing up in a prison. Of course the rusty faucet only lets, like, two drops of water cascade down at a time so this is taking way too long. And, the only thing you have for facewash is a nearly-spent tube of St. Ives Apricot Scrub. It feels like I'm washing my face with gravel. I'm not interested in any of this. This whole shitshow shower makes me sad.

10 comments:

Jon K said...

I'm gonna have to fight you on this one. You're welcome to bring your fancy stuff over and leave it there, but if all I use in the shower is regular ol' shampoo, conditioner, and a bar of Irish Spring, I'm not going to go stock up on toiletries that I don't use. This ain't a hotel, sister.

If the tub is clean, the shower head is decent, and the water is acceptable in both pressure and temperature, the fixins are your own responsibility.

Anna said...

Jon, that's the thing! My shower is a lovely place of exotic gels and creams. It sucks when his shower, by comparison, is downright chilling, and I'm not talking about the water temperature. And, if he barely has any his crummy brand of shampoo left and a crusty bar of soap that doesn't even later, well, it sucks.

Jon K said...

Think of it this way: if we already had all that shit, we'd ruin the wonderful ritual of nesting that you know you secretly love doing.

Lisa said...

It is funny that in the picture there is a bottle of Kan-Doo, for kids. If there is Kan-doo on the sink you have even bigger problems. :)

Julia said...

I dated a guy whose entire shower line up was Crew Rosemary Mint, it was like heaven. He loved products and would always drag me(drag is a bit strong) to C.O. Bigelow...

bradydale said...

Tell guys that if they use liquid soap, they won't have to clean the shower as often because it doesn't leave much soap scum behind. That helps, I bet.

Anonymous said...

I might be the gayest straight man you know, but I like H2O and Neutrogena products.. I won't lie though, I use the hair "overstock.com" that my wife leaves.... Oh wait, yeah, my wife... doh, since she NEVER finishes a bottle.

AppleSauce said...

yes, what IS it with the St Ives Apricot Scrub that has earned it a spot in every dingy shower in America? if it turns out that stuff causes cancer and obesity, we will have finally have an explanation for our national woes.

Anonymous said...

every young person that i have ever known uses that scrub. do not get.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like luxury compared to some of the showers I've had to use...

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