September 8, 2009

Bonerkiller: You're A Total Flake

When we first met, I wasn’t the least bit interested. In fact, you barely registered as a blip on my Dude-dar. But, one day everything changed. You sent me signals I couldn’t ignore. You got a hold of me and I was hooked. I was super surprised at how eagerly I screeched, “YES!” when you asked me out on a date. I don’t know how you did it, but you somehow convinced me that I’d be doing the world an injustice if I turned you down.

So, imagine my disappointment when you canceled. One time is no big deal, stuff happens, sure. But when it started to happen more frequently, I realized that this "date" may just be a myth. You must not have asked me out, you must have been pretending to ask me out because you’re flaking on me like dandruff off a teenage Dungeons & Dragons enthusiast. You’re constantly making and breaking plans with me, and I'm tricked by your eagerness to reschedule every time.

Now that I am determined to hang out with you, your extreme signs of interest are beginning to dissipate. What was once near hot and heavy is now cool and casual. "I’m not gonna give up," I tell myself, "oh no, not this time." Your unattainability is now a personal challenge. I'm like Wayne Campbell marveling at that white guitar in the store window: "You will be mine. Oh yes. One day, you will be mine."

I blast you with charm and come-hither stares and you send back an order of “Wassup” with a side of a fist pound. I am jumping through hoops for a crumb of your attention. Not only am I beginning to feel like a texting maniac, I now know your number by heart from staring at it so much.

Listen, buddy, I am going to great lengths to finish something that you started! Damn son, you are making me work and you’re giving me zilch in return. Around the one hundredth time you “forget” to call/get out of work too late/ aren’t feeling well/ have a buddy in town/ (insert lame-o excuse here), I realize it might be best if our those plans we had stay hypothetical. Hanging out with you doesn’t seem worth it. Maybe you never even wanted my company in the first place. Maybe you celebrate April Fool’s Day every day. Who knows? You’ve lost your chance, Mr. Flaky McFlakerson. Unfortunately for you, playing too hard to get just got you nada.


Annie said...

So, I'm pretty sure I met this guy before...jerk.

PoliticsChick said...

I swear this is the guy that just needs the ego stroking..he's probably getting in touch every time he feels down. Once you make him feel better - he's out!

Cut that fish loose.

Fritsky said...

Ugh, I had a recent experience with this. I hate when dudes are hot and cold, and it's worse when they do the fade away and don't expressly say "I'm not interested." It leaves you wondering...and hoping.

EPS said...

This post has completely validated a recent experience with a guy who reconnected with me (we dated briefly in highschool but that was 8 years ago). He sought me out, started texting me, and now 9 months later we have done nothing more than run into each other a few times accidentally. He's nothing but alot of smoke and mirrors, with his witty banter and his "happy birthday darling." He tells me about concerts, but never asks me to go with him. He calls me to meet him at the bar when he knows I'm out doing something else. My txt message inbox is filled to the brim with his name, but the guy is a mirage. You want to believe it's there so badly that your eyes trick you into seeing it, but it's only an illusion. This guy is flakier than a toaster strudel and I think my taste just changed to poptarts.

Diane said...

Yes! But what I can't understand is how he got me interested at all, after all that time that I wasn't. That is quite a trick! It took a little time, but the weird spell faded. I'm back. It's all in the charisma, but beyond that, there's not much else to go on. Nice guy, friendly guy, fun guy, but ultimately, a sack of crap. See ya!

reg said...

thanks for the sum up diane! know this guy too well myself.

Julia said...

story of my life

emilyfatedesigns said...

a bit of a wordy reply.. but this totally just happened to me!
a friend of a friend was really into me (or atleast that's what he told my buddy). he has her give me his number (yeah i don't like initiating contact so this was probably a warning sign), so i text him... nothing. i figure, well hey maybe he didn't get it, who knows, wtf, i'll just give him a call in a few days. i do, i get the 'oh man i accidentally deleted my texts and i'm so sorry yeah i want to hang out this coming weekend! so awesome to hear from you! blah blah blah'. i'm elated. he still likes me! awesome! i haven't liked a boy i just met this much in a while!
the next weekend rolls around. i shoot out the 'hey are we still meeting up tongiht?' text...
no reply.
FINE ok that's fine. i get it. i'm over it. a little disappointed but hey, lotsa fish in the sea. number deleted. i'll let it go. movin' on...
a week later, in comes a text 'hey whats up?'
me: 'who is this?'
him: 'it's ____. sorry i never got back to you'
me: 'oh ok'
him: 'yeah, i figured'
me: 'figured what?'
him: 'figured you wouldn't want to talk to me.'
me: 'look, i stuck my neck blew me off. twice. you want to talk, then talk...'
him: 'fine. you won't ever here from me again' (yeah he really did spell it like that...bonerkiller!)

what was the point of even texting me that time? no point?!?! it wasn't to say 'sorry, but let's hang out'. i think it was a 'let's see how many times i can step on this poor girl'...

so fastforward a month or two.... last night for the first time in months i check out craigslist personals. i see one from what sounds like a very compatible fellow. same bands, same interests, another artist, has a beard, etc etc. i put my neck out there, email the guy.
i get a reply: 'hey emily i know you, and once you see my name in the email you'll know me too or you can ask your friend ______. fate is funny, isn't it?'


and no, i refuse to play his game.

Anna said...

Emily, if it makes you feel better I had a guy blow me off for two dates in a row and one of the dates was to go to Taco Bell. Yes, I got stood up for a TACO BELL DATE.

Anonymous said...

lol! You bitches play the same GAME! haha

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