September 14, 2009

Tip Our Hats: Hand Graspers

There was always some climactic scene in every '80s movie where the main dude grabs the girl's hand and they sprint somewhere. Dirty Dancing, Teen Wolf, Dream A Little Dream, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Ferris Bueller; the list goes on. Maybe they're fleeing a bully, maybe they're fleeing their principal, maybe they're about to switch bodies and have to leave the school prom before the old man wakes up. Who knows? But, they have to scoot--fast!

These movies made a huge impression on me growing up. Consequently, I've always wanted a man to turn to me with panic in his eyes, grab my hand, zip through the crowd, and shoot out through the doors of a high school gymnasium. Or a resort for old people. Really, I'm not picky.

The problem: I can't really think of too many scenarios in my adult life where this would happen. I feel cheated. I feel robbed. Where are these hand graspers? Do I need to take out a craigslist ad for this? I can see the headline now: "Single Female Seeking Single Male To Grab My Hand And Run Somewhere. Must provide own transportation and you will not be compensated for your time."

I think a guy only grabbed my hand once and it was because I was about to puke and he tried to usher me off the dance floor. It was more of a practical hand grab, not a romantic one. I didn't feel the wind in my hair. I didn't breathlessly push past my peers and feel him tugging me into the night air. That puke-deterring hand grab doesn't count.

So, hand graspers of America, we salute you. I'm not sure if you're out there and/or if we'll ever meet, but I'm keeping the dream alive.


Baby J said...


klint said...

A few years ago, I took a girl to see Morrissey. Our seats were kind of crappy, but when everyone rushed the stage, I looked at her, grabbed her hand and we ran right up front. I felt pretty cool.

Julia said...

run in traffic, I dated a guy once who always grasped my hand to cross a bus street.

aksnycred said...

I was once hand grasped by a dude to go on the dance floor...he was drunk...I was tipsy and as he grasped my hand I spilled my drink and tripped onto the dance floor and ripped my pants all in one smooth motion...good times, good times. Now that I think about was more of a push and pull situation...a full on "dance with me now" assault if you will...

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