November 2, 2009

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "Cool Beans"

We hate this phrase with the intensity of a thousand stink eyes and we hate guys who say it to us. We always will. You know who says "cool beans?" Drama club kids, guys who wear socks with sandals, guys who have a turtle as a pet, missionaries, Dave Matthew Band fans and hacky sack owners. Do you know what they have in common? They are all people that we actively avoid.

Last time I checked, he wasn't some chatty girl in my freshman algebra class talking my ear off about how hot Eddie Vedder was. I was confused for a second because "cool beans" is a phrase that only girls in 1994 should say, not fully-grown men.

I mean, just look at those beans over there high-fiving. We hate them! They probably cropdust at the Barbary when they go out dancing and twitter about your date while you are on the date with them. They never bring any beers to a house party; they just jam on all the fancy ones that you brought without leaving any for you to enjoy. Fuck those smelly beans and fuck this stupid expression.

15 comments:

Ben Kessler said...

Don't you mean "kewl beanz"?

Anna said...

That's even worse. I feel sorry for anyone who chooses to use that expression earnestly.

Sarah said...

Aw, come on, but look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxBozYRMO18

Chad said...

But I think Anna's cool beans though! What am I gonna say now, she's fresh to def?

Allan Smithee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna said...

Chad, you just made me blush. Yes, I will accept that I am fresh to def. Thanks!

Caitlin said...

my high school gym teacher would say "cool beans." i liked it on him. he would also say "cheese & crackers!"

Lightning's Girl said...

I have said it for years and I am not stopping now. I also consider myself a pretty damn cool lady so today I am presenting this post with my very own boner killer award. Hmph!

Anna said...

Haha. I love you Tracy and without a doubt, you are one of the coolest people I've ever met, so you can get a pass on this.

xoxo,
anna

dee goldie said...

Fucking THANK you. I thought i was the only one who hated that saying! fuck that phrase. "cool beans" is officially dead to me.

(famous)jenny said...

i think people will stop saying cool beans when they also stop dancing the cabbage patch...

palewednesday said...

I FUCKING HATE "COOL BEANS." THANK YOU FOR BRINGING A MAJOR ISSUE TO THE SURFACE. I have bitched about this horrible phrase for years.

Christine Vyrnon said...

Cool Beans runs a close second to No Worries

Anonymous said...

Cool beans

Anonymous said...

I hate "no worries" after saying Thank You it's like I'm not worried!!..now give me my change (cashier or service person)..And oldie but a goodie.."guys" as in "those guys" "you guys" or anything where there are females involved..no you can't have a "male generic" if you're using it on males alone and then switch it up..that's just twisted and sexist logic.

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