November 4, 2009

Telling Him What He Wants To Hear: This Giant Flat Screen Television Is Telling Me That You've Made It In Life

Wow. This is a huge television. I mean, it takes up an entire wall of your house. It has crystal clear resolution, it has booming sound; it's just gorgeous. But just between us, when I look around the rest of your South Philly hovel, it is painfully obvious that you live in a shack. I'm trying not to look down because your carpet has a multitude of mysterious stains and burn holes in it. (Mental note: don't EVER walk barefoot on here unless I want a gnarly mixture of cat hair, Cap'n Crunch, and Doritos crumbs all over my toesie-woesies.)

I'm not gonna look behind me because your kitchen has a lone 45 watt light bulb flickering on and off like we're in a third world gas station bathroom. And, I definitely won't go upstairs to your room where there's a sleeping bag in place of a bed and a pungent smell that can only be described as fermented sock.

But, this huge flat screen television bolted to your wall, it tells me that I shouldn't be so quick to judge. You have a big TV! You are probably Grey Poupon's target audience now. If I ignore every other thing besides what is in my direct line of vision, it is obvious that you've made it in life.


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