November 12, 2009

Tip Our Hats: Guys Who Will Hate Someone Just Because I Hate Them, No Questions Asked

Girls like to muse about the qualities their dream man will exhibit. Maybe he'll be a humanitarian, bringing light into dim huts in faraway lands. Maybe he'll be great with kids, rolling around in the dirt, mud stains on his Dockers be damned. Maybe he'll take Thai cooking classes, learn how to make his own compost pile and/or start yoga to better himself. These are all noble things.

But, not me. I don't need a model citizen who pays his taxes on time and can speak three languages. My dream guy will hate someone for me on command. I will snarl, "I hate him!" and my dream man will say, "Well then, I hate him too." Boom! No argument, no reasons given; he will just hate someone because I hate him. And, I do have my reasons for hating someone. They might be irrational or immature, but there are definitely reasons. And, he will accept it and share in my hatred, like a true love should.

Conversely, I can't stand when a guy tries to convince me that I shouldn't hate someone. "Oh, she's not that bad," he'll counter. "You should really give her a chance." Fuck that! It's fun to hate people together. It's how we'll bond. By denying me that bond, now I just feel alienated and petty. There is clearly a wedge between us. An unsexy, too nice, too polite wedge with him on one side and mean ol' me on the other.

Yup, forget chocolates, flowers, and love letters. Screw sweet texts, blown kisses, and held hands. I know a man really loves me when he'll hate someone only because I hate them, no questions asked.


Julia said...

i believe the foundation of ANY good relationship is mutual hatred of certain people

Nicole! said...

A funny ('s not funny but you get the idea) story:

So my last relationship went all to hell. There was this girl we both knew. I loathed her with every fiber of my being because she was basically a horrible human being without a doubt. However, he would always give me the "Oh, she's not that bad," "You should really give her a chance" lines constantly.

It ended up getting to the point where we had a HUGE fight about it and it turns out he was sleeping with her (before we even got together even) and flat out told me he'd rather be with her instead.

Yeah. So this is why I would love a guy who finds any enemy of mine to be their enemy as well. We love together and we loathe together.

Fritz said...

It has to work both ways. I'll harbor irrational hatred of whoever they want as long as they vow to make Rachael Ray their mortal enemy.

Anna said...

Haha. Deal!

Katie D. said...

My boyfriend and I hate almost all of the same qualities in people. We'll sit at a bar or party and make fun of everyone together. It's kind of sick - but really awesome.

Julia said...

Katie that is my DREAM relationship. 1 of my top 5 favorite activities is hating on strangers in public.

Anonymous said...

Completely off topic tidbit: When I took a quiz about which Chappelle Show character I am most like, I received Silky Johnson as my answer. Apparrently I'm a huge hater, and thus this post matches perfectly with what I must find in my soulmate. Perhaps we'll meet at the next 'Player Haters Ball.'

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