January 4, 2010

Quick Rant: You're Married and You Can't Keep It In Your Pants

We saw you again this weekend. Your wife wasn't there (as usual), but you were, hitting on everything in the room with tits and a pulse. It makes us wanna throw your wedding album at your head! You're like a dog humping everyone's leg at a cocktail party. Down, boy!

We're not sure how you manage to constantly work this out, but despite being in a well-publicized long-term relationship, you still seem to think that anything and everybody is fair game. We're not sure how you get away with it and maybe you don't. Perhaps your wife knows all about your flagrant compulsions. Either way, we think your shenanigans are seriously nasty. Dude, your life is like a Zach Braff movie. That's not a good thing. 

One time, you actually had the nerve to try and justify your bad behavior to us. And after sobbing for an hour about how much you love your legally-bound better half, you tried to get us to go home with you. As if.

You think we don't hook up with you because you're married. Actually, we don't hook up with you because you suck. And, if we show up in the background shot when Joey Greco busts into this party to confront you about your cheating ways, we're gonna be seriously pissed.


D.J. Allie Slice said...

I once went on an awesome date with a charming hottie (who even called the next day!) only to stumble upon his and his wife's wedding page on "The Knot" a few days later.

For the love of all that is holy, if you want to fuck lots of women don't get married.

Anna said...

I have married guys hit on me on a semi-regular basis. It's...horrible.

Anonymous said...

ever since i went through my own divorce, i have married doods trying to get sexy with me on the reg. it's repulsive.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Watching "Cheaters" is the one thing that makes me thankful I'm single.

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