May 20, 2010

Let Me Guess: We're Gonna Stay At His House

Look how clean he's getting!
No, I don't have a crystal ball. I did not consult the arrangement of tea leaves at the bottom of my mug and, no, I did not call a psychic friend. How do I magically know that we'll end up at his house tonight? Well, because we ALWAYS stay there despite the following facts:
  • My shower is filled to the brim with fancy products to choose from
  • My kitchen is well-stocked with delicious food
  • I have new movies from Netflix that we could watch
  • I have the kind of bathtub that a bum could take a bubble bath in and feel reasonably refreshed afterwards
His house doesn't have any of these things! Bums would not be pumped to bathe there. So, why do we stay at his place all the time? Because he likes to sleep in his own bed. He likes being in his little cubby hole, like a hamster in his cage.

It didn't start out this way. At the beginning of our courtship, it was a good 50/50. But by the second month, it was more 60/40. Now we've slid into solid 90/10 and I'm not into it. It's weird because I'm the one that needs to haul over my make-up bag and make sure I have moisturizer and sunscreen all the time. He just rolls out of bed and tosses on a shirt and then he's good to go.

So, why do I put up with it? I guess it's because he never seems fully relaxed at my house. He's out of his comfort zone, like Will Smith when he first moved to Bel Air. Honestly, he does seem more comfortable in his element i.e. a shitty South Philly row home. So, I'll put up with it. For now.


Lora said...

This has been the case for everyone I've ever dated. No matter how cool I think my apartment is, they want to stay at their own place. I'm dating someone who works THREE blocks away from my apartment, but every night he'll pick me up and we'll bike/septa/drive miles out of the way to his apartment so we can sleep there. Then we'll trek back in the morning. We could be sleeping in an extra hour at my place instead of all this traveling! I swear my apartment is totally normal... What am I doing wrong here??!

Anonymous said...

Almost everyone feels more comfortable at their own place. But both of you are just rolling over on this one. Make a stand! If you don't, he has no reason to change. If you do, you'll find out whether he actually is into you enough to make a change or if he's just dating you cause its convenient and you'll do whatever he prefers all the time. For real. Get it together and be an independent lady.

Anonymous said...

I had that happen to me too! He had NO FOOD and only suave shampoo (no conditioner!) and i was always afraid id use the last of the toilet paper, since that was never readily stocked! ramen noodles, cheetos and peanut butter does not constitute as a meal.

Alan said...

Lora: that guy is being retarded! Unless you're in some horrible neighborhood, you'd being having to boot me out of your place if I was in his position!

branch-monster said...

Man hit woman over head with club. Drag woman to cave. Ugh! Ugh!

Anna said...

I always had to stay at my ex-boyfriend's house because he was a smoker and he could smoke indoors. I think he got sick of having to go outside to smoke at my place so we always just stayed at his house. I WILL NEVER DATE A SMOKER AGAIN!

Anonymous said...

Hear hear! Smoking boner killer to follow?

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