July 15, 2010

Bonerkiller: You Wear The Same Cologne As My Ex

Come closer, loverboy. Mmm...something about you just drives me crazy. Being around you reminds me of listening to Belle & Sebastian on a sunny spring day and eating pizza in the quad. Wait a minute.

*sniff sniff* Oh lord. You smell like my ex.

Yup, it's the same exact cologne I bought him circa '01 when we first met and realized that he also smelled like a previous boyfriend. He wore the shit out of it and just smelling that scent transports me back to the days of skipping my 8am class to snooze another hour in his extra-long twin bed. Now I wanna toss a lanyard around your neck, dress you in cargo shorts, and have us shotgun a Miller Light together. I feel hungover just thinking about it. Your cologne is taking me back to my hot mess heyday.

You don't look happy. I'm not surprised. I wouldn't want my dude involuntarily thinking of another girl every time he got a whiff of my perfume. It could be worse though; imagine having to tell your high school boyfriend that he wears the same scent as your mother. I've heard he still cries at the mention of CK One. Poor little guy.

So, let's fix this: You. Me. Department store. I'll bring my off-limits cologne list and you just bring your fine self (just leave your Bio book and Frisbee at home).

10 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Hmm... I vote Bonerkiller: Cologne on a guy. Every time I even *think* about a guy spritzing something on him, my stomach churns. Since when is a deodorant and his natural scent not enough?

Though, I do like my ladies wearing perfume. ;)

Anna said...

I LOVE guys in cologne! I even love when they wear Axe bodyspray. I'm sniffing his armpit like, "What is this ambrosia that you're wearing?" And he says, "Uh, it's just Axe. I bought it at CVS."

I'll pop the cap off and sniff the bottle when he's in the shower. It's so gross, i know!

Elizabeth said...

Axe is totally fine in my book. And I'm guilty of smelling my dude's deodorant when he's not around. His armpits are the best smelling things ever! I just wanna stuff my face in them when he gets home from work.

Yeah. I just admitted that on the internet. *waves*

Allison said...

I prefer some good dial soap smell and a hint of deodorant. My ex wore Acqua Di Gio along with every other old dude in a suit walking the streets of of philly. I am pretty sure he just started wearing his dad's cologne and never stopped. Every time I smell it when a guy walks by I think- Damn my dude was so unoriginal. And if I meet another guy the that cologne I will most likely judge him and not give him a chance. Whoops.

Scarlett said...

I actually bought my ex cologne the the previous ex wore....thought it would help me be more attracted to him. Didn't work :-(

Lora said...

My guy friend freaked out when I wore the same perfume his ex used to wear. I greeted him with a hug and he pushed me away, saying "sorry I can't be near you right now" then stormed out of the room. Later in the night he even asked if I could wash it off! I only had like a spritz on but he was almost in tears. They obviously had an uggggggggly breakup! sniff sniff

Kaitlin said...

Even worse: when they wear the same cologne as your brother.

typical guy said...

Not that I wear cologne, but if I did have a hot date which would you fine kittens recommend?

typical guy said...

Ok, how bout Old Spice?

ellie said...

ugh this asshole i dated in college said i smelled really good so on our first date he wanted me to help him pick out a new cologne. reading your post i just realized he probs just wanted a new one so when he was with me he didn't think about his ex. gross. slimy. my skin is legit crawling and this was three years ago.

Post a Comment