August 26, 2010

Bonerkiller: Bathroom Door Openers

I appreciate that he's comfortable enough with me that he thinks it's okay to open the bathroom door when I'm in the bathroom but it's NOT. The door is closed for a reason, whether I'm popping a pimple (gasp!) or actually on the toilet (double gasp!) or whatever. This is not the time to open the door and carry on a conversation.

Maybe I'm quickly slappin' on some lip gloss and I want to spring out of the bathroom like "TA-DA!" (my lips are poppin'). If he barges in mid-application, it kinda ruins the entrance for me. All I'm asking for is a minute or so of privacy to freshen up.

One might think that the simple solution would be to lock the door. But when I do, he thinks it's funny to pound on it and ask what I'm doing like a whiny five-year-old. Sometimes he even pretends he's a zombie scratching at the door yelling "braiinnnss!" Try applying mascara on the toilet and fighting off an intruder at the same time! It's impossible. It's gotten to the point where I'm strategically sneaking off to the bathroom when his favorite TV show is on so I know he won't bother me for a few moments.

I should mention that the bathroom in his warehouse apartment has walls that only go up about 9 feet even though the ceiling is much higher than that, so he can basically hear me every time I tinkle. One time he climbed on a ladder to look over the walls and said "Boo!" and thought it was soooooo hysterical. Ha fucking ha. Next time he's getting a plunger to the face.

What is it about guys that think it's so hilarious to interrupt a girl in the powder room? I don't need another younger brother! What is it that they think we're doing in there? Does he not realize that he's turning my 90 second beauty routine into a much longer ordeal? Is it pure curiosity? Or is it really just that much fun to annoy me?


Anna said...

Omg Lora, you are HYSTERICAL!

Lisatella said...

I totally relate....glad to know I'm not the only one who really hates this man habit.

Anonymous said...

As a dude, I admit this is hilarious. I like to slide my fingers under the door, like a cat pawing for some lost toy. "What is going on in there?"

I am also a fan of the late night bathroom trip "home intruder" ambush. The apartment is dark, she thinks I'm asleep, and presumably the coast is clear for an unharased "sit down". The moment to pounce is just after she has exited the WC and her night vision is compromised by the bathroom lights.

Careful though, this one has gotten me a bloody nose.

Anonymous said...

My ex and I were very open bathroom people. We would just barge in on each other no matter what. sigh.

Anonymous said...

this warehouse sounds likes the ox

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