August 3, 2010

Bonerkiller: Bulging Cargo Short Pockets

I get that's it's summer and I get that he's gonna wanna wear shorts and I get that they're probably gonna be cargo shorts. I have no problem with that. However, it's a total bonerkiller that he's stuffing handfuls of shit into the pockets by his knees like they're his Jansport backback.

I have no idea what he's stuffing in there, but it looks like his thighs are frowning. Is it tater tots? Fistfuls of Monopoly money? Dolls' heads? Balled up gym socks?

The worst is to watch him hunch over like a neanderthal, rip open the velcro and dig around for whatever he's looking for in his cargo pocket. His body looks like a rainbow when he goes spelunking for some bullshit on the sides of his pants. Front and back pockets should be enough. He doesn't need to bring his mid-leg region into the storage equation.

11 comments:

Mallory P. said...

...unless he's taking me to the baseball game, and I need all those pockets to smuggle in some beer and a sack of pretzel m & m's.

Helen said...

Ditto to Mallory. Same goes for the movie theatre.

typical guy said...

Since I don't want to look like neither Rambo or a dandy with a European carryall I let my girl schlep that stuff to the theater/game in her bag.

Anna said...

Good policy!

Anonymous said...

cargo shorts should not be worn after 13

Anonymous said...

Recently one of my friends told a guy I was seeing that it wasn't going to work out because "you wear cargo shorts and she parties til 4 am". That was the end of that.

Anonymous said...

wait, is it really ok to wear cargo in the first place?

Anna said...

I went through a hardcore phase in college where I went to sweaty matinees at CBGB's. I get that old skool guys may still wear cargo shorts because they honestly have no clue how else to dress in the summer. It's not my first choice, but I'll let it slide.

typical guy said...

The retailers should take some of the blame for fillin the shelves with em. It's tough to find otherwise. Those and loud plaid prints. Enough already! We get it!

Truth, By Attrition said...

Disagree... We don't get to carry purses. Satchels are a wee-bit limp wristed. Fanny packs, fugettaboutit. And don't get us started on manpurses.

What if we need that extra pack of smokes, or the case for our sunglasses, or our favorite dog-eared paperback?

Live with it ladies. We promise we'll learn how to do your laundry one day...

evil taco said...

What's with all of the cargo short hate? We can't wear suits all year round, and some of us aren't blue jean people. Also, which is more lame? pulling something out of a pocket, or having pockets and refusing to use them for no good reason? I love cargo shorts, they're utilitarian.

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