October 13, 2010
As an avid Paperboy game player on my old skool Nintendo, I hold nothing but the highest respect for paperboys. Playing that game for hours on end during my braces-having years taught me the rigors of his chosen pre-teen profession. Dodging rabid dogs, avoiding newspaper-shaking grandmas, and popping wheelies: he's the real suburban commando here. He probably made 30 cents a day and spent his money on baseball cards or some shit. SO CUTE, right?
I love the fact that he's a former paperboy. Picturing him as a sleepy sixth grader peddling around on a Huffy tossing papers on porches at sunrise warms my cold, bitter heart. When he told me that he used to listen to Iron Maiden on his Walkman during his route, I wanted to "awww" myself to death. That's the fucking cherry on the too adorable sundae.