October 26, 2010

Real Talk: A Dude's Take On Girls' Halloween Costumes

Granted, he's not a girl, but we admire
Matt Lauer's commitment to his costume
Getting your Halloween costume together is always a somewhat agonizing process. Even for a guy like me who LOVES Halloween, I have to admit that sometimes the whole thing can be overwhelming. That being said, if you do the right costume the right way, you can be the hit of the party.

Anna and I bumped into each other this weekend in Philly and she asked me for a guy's perspective on what kind of costume guys like to see. I told her I'd make a post about it. Now, keep in mind that you should do a costume that makes YOU happy and fuck what stupid boys think, but just in case you care about my opinion, here goes:

1. If your costume idea is ambitious, go all out.
If you're going to be Lady Gaga, don't half-ass it. You're the one who chose the bold costume, now its your responsibility to go ALL OUT. It's all about the details. Is it gonna cost you an extra $20 to get your hair done with the Diet Coke can curlers? Who cares? You're Lady Gaga. DO IT.

2. If your costume is thrown together at the last minute, you better make it funny.
Okay, if you're going to toss a costume together on Friday afternoon with a quick trip to the thrift store, just make sure you've got a good idea behind it. No one wants to see another shitty zombie. One of my favorite cheap/easy costume ideas is to dress up like someone in your friend group. Pick someone with an identifiable style and mimic their look exactly. Unless it's totally unflattering, your friend will be confused and slightly honored.

3. Getting sexy?
This is a controversial Halloween topic, but you should keep in mind that as long as Halloween exists, there will be girls who use Halloween to dress in a ridiculously over-the-top sexy outfits. And I say, why the hell not? Why can't a normal girl have one day a year to let loose and wear something totally over the top? Now, there's always going to be your garden variety sorority girls rocking "sexy butterfly" or "sexy french maid." Bor-ring. If you're going to go sexy, be creative. Make it a part of your costume, or make it absolutely ridiculous. Who could say no to a sexy Chewbacca or sexy Hermione? Not this guy.

4. Topical, but not TOO topical.
Look, let's get right to the point: there's going to be 10,000 Antoine Dodsons roaming your city this Saturday. Not to mention armies of Old Spice guys and Chilean miners. If you're going to go topical, you need to either be SUPER ahead of the curve and anticipate this week's next huge meme (not easy to do) or you can keep it simple and keep things old school. Be a LOLcat. Be Friendster. I dunno, you'll know when you find it.

5. Girls, no beards.
I realize this is a bit specific, but it freaks me out. If your costume calls for painting facial hair or a five-o-clock shadow on your face, DON'T DO IT! You'll meet a new guy on Halloween, and then later, when you start dating a few months from now, his mind will always flash back to that creepy paint beard on your face and it will haunt him for the rest of my life. Not that this actually happened in real life. Ya know, just hypothetically speaking.

6. Nerd OUT.
Here's my final and most important rule. This is your one day to nerd out, so make the most of it. If you're way into Star Trek, you go right on ahead and be Tasha Yar. If you've always wanted to crossdress as David Bowie in Labyrinth, don't let me stop you. If you're dressed up in something that you love and you're having a great time, you're bound to meet that fellow nerd who is going to stop dead in his tracks when he sees your epic costume. He's going to fall in love right there. I guarantee it.*

*Results may vary.


polianarchy said...

Dibs on Sexy Kool-Aid Man.

Ichael said...

"you should do a costume that makes YOU happy"

I like the disclaimer, very important! Funny stuff though, good job Phil.

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