November 5, 2010

I Am Submitting A Petition For My Ex To Get A Bad Haircut

Hey guys, will you sign this? It's a petition to force my ex to get a terrible haircut. I feel like if he had a fucked up 'do, it'd really help me get over him quicker. I'm almost there. I'm on the cusp of getting over him, but I feel that a bad haircut would totally decimate any lingering attraction I have to him.

Maybe he could get an Ashley Shaeffer-esque coif. It'd look like a slice of angel cake was giving his head a blowjay. Gross, right? 

If he had a furry flattop like Simon Cowell, it'd look like an angry badger was taking a dump on his skull. Ewwww.

Or, if he looked like the crazy evangelical guy in Contact, I'm sure I'd never daydream about smelling his neck again. If anything, I'd want a restraining order! He looks like Nelson's understudy. No thank you.

If I forced his barber to make his hair look like an onion loaf made out of cotton candy, I could finally tell him that he's fired from being in my brain.

See? A stupid haircut could really make all the difference here. It's up to you guys to make this happen.


Anonymous said...

I saw my ex with the shittiest non-hair hairdo on his head. It looked awful and was like a beautiful, cleansing thrill to behold. Oh, it looked ugly. Ahhh.

Anonymous said...

"mira que si te quise, fué por el pelo ahora que estás pelona ya no te quiero" it means "if i loved you it was for your hair, now that you're bald i don't love you anymore". SO TRUE.

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