December 14, 2010

Bonerkiller: Worrywarts

"What if we get caught? What if we get kicked out? What if we--"
"Dude, it'll be fine. Just relax and follow my lead."
"But, what if--"
"It'll be fine, I promise you. Please stop worrying. Here, have some of this beer."
"I can't believe you snuck a beer into a movie theather. You're totally gonna get in trouble for that."
UGH! I hate worrywarts. His "about me" section on Facebook should say, "I am terrified of everything." He hates spontaneity and detests any kind of rule breaking which makes me want to mess with him even more.

I'm like the Rayanne to his Angela Chase, constantly egging him on to do more zany things. (Well, zany stuff for well-adjusted adults, like taking two free samples at Whole Foods or parking your car in a spot designated for CVS Customers when you run in to grab a coffee at the Starbucks next door.) None of these things are "bad," but he acts horrified, like I'm trying to sell meth to school kids.

He can't enjoy the moment because he's constantly fretting about what will happen next. This is the exact opposite of how I am. As an impulsive person who enjoys seeing how much I can get away with, his constant constant hand-wringing is cramping my style. I want a partner-in-crime, not a partner-in-whine. Get the memo!


Elizabeth said...

Ugh that is my goddamned husband. "You can't grow weed in the house, it is illegal!" What a wet blanket.

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth, that's awesome. People who follow ALL the rules ALL the time are lame! Rules were meant to be responsibly broken.

teenie said...

i know, i hate it when my boyfriend is all "stop fudging your taxes, you'll go to jail!" or "are you seriously planning on knocking off a bank?!?!"

it's like he's allergic to fun.

Alfred E. Neuman aka typical guy said...

but girls can be worrywarts too. "why didnt you pull out?!"

Little Fox said...

Which is why i want to dump my boyfriend... i mean, i know he doesn't want to do crazy shit because he's paranoid ever since he got arrested, but i got arrested with him, and i'm not like that.

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