January 4, 2011

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Wear Their Stupid Wool Scarves Indoors

I liked his gray New Balance sneakers. They were kinda ratty but whatever. I dug his jeans which were in a dark wash in a high quality denim. His navy blue shirt was fine too. No issues there.

Just as I was about to mentally sign-off on his outfit, my eyes locked onto the scarf on his neck. It was in a plaid pattern and knotted in a clump. All the way across the room, I could tell that it was made of wool by the stiffness and the way the bit ends of the scarf didn't lay flat on his chest.

That's when I took pause and reconsidered his whole ensemble: It was warm enough for him to just wear a t-shirt walking around the room so wearing a scarf indoors was incongruous. It was an unnecessary accessory!

He went from looking like a cool guy who'd volunteer to help me move if I gave him three beers and a slice of pizza to looking like the kind of guy who'd participate in poetry slams at the campus cafe. I kept my eyes on him all night and he never took it off. It was part of his permanent outfit for the evening. I started to get pissed off after an hour. I thought about snatching it off his body and whipping his butt with it to teach him a lesson but I feel like that wouldn't be received well. You wouldn't wear a pair of gloves indoors, so why should the scarf be any different?

Well, I'm not sure if he was trying to look like the bassist of a student alt-rock band or the kind of person who'd stand in line to get Noam Chomsky's autograph, but he nailed it perfectly. Wearing that stupid scarf indoors was like a woolen yield sign. No thanks.


al said...

While I fully agree from a fashion perspective, sometimes a brother is just cold.

note: yep, just read the headline.

Anna said...

I WATCHED THIS GUY BOWL WEARING A SCARF AND A TEE SHIRT! It was a nightmare. I'm like, who needs to wear a scarf while they BOWL?

Anonymous said...

re: Noam Chomsky's autograph

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On a non-related note, to be deleted tomorrow if not immediately by Anna, comments on an I Love You, I Hate You thread.

Um, sorry Anna, for various reasons I thought of you. (Another Anna/ShmittenKitten Fanatasy)

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Jilly B said...

Ahh, the fashion scarf is the worssttt

Amy Ess said...

He's lucky that the scarf didn't get in the way and create a bowling injury haha.

Phil said...

Maybe these dudes are trying to hide hickeys or something. Not a good look.

Anonymous said...

If he had a kick ass jug band and a mess of mama's barbecue I could let it slide

Anonymous said...

Yah, I am very anti fashion scarves or woolen-as-fashion scarves on men, but fiercely pro Emmet Otter. Don't bag on Emmet.

Anna said...

I'm not bagging on Emmet! I was just making a joke. I love Emmet too.

Anonymous said...

aww, i would totally stand in line for noam chomsky's autograph. he's brilliant. don't hate.

scarves as fashion accessories and not as weather-appropriate cold-blocking devices, however, are not brilliant.

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