February 8, 2011

Story Time: What's The Dumbest Text You've Ever Received?


Which one made you wanna kick his stupid phone outta his hand because it was so ridiculous/ bizarre/ downright braindead? Tell me in the comments.

36 comments:

harrison said...

in response to "Are you still here?" [i.e. at bar], from a dude who had a) just moved into a new place and b) was supposed to take me home with him:

no im lost in my house

Anna said...

The dumbest text I ever received was from a guy who texted me a picture, but it wasn't showing up on my phone. So I had to ask him what it was that he sent and we went back and forth for a while before he finally told me that he sent a picture of a SNAKE IN A HIGH HEEL SHOE.

Why the FUCK would he ever send that to me? It was random, yes, but it was also annoying that I had to suss it out of him.

stroobie said...

Picture of a snow dick. Used those words, too.

kate b. said...

this guy wouldn't leave me alone after i went on a (terrible) date with him, so i told him i was dating someone and he said "oh. okay. well i am dating someone too. i was the entire time"

i laughed to myself and changed his name to 'douchebag mcgee' in my address book

Anonymous said...

Off topic, but whatever happened to 'Drawn Dudes'?

Anna said...

Good question! There were a few factors:

1. They take a lot of time to do. I have a scanner now, but I didn't then so I'd have to walk to Kinko's which got to be a hassle.

2. It didn't draw that much traffic. People didn't seem to comment on them or share them that much.

3. The girl who was mainly doing them went on to do other things and just got too busy to crank 'em out.

4. I'm a writer not an artist so I didn't feel like it was something that I needed to perpetuate once she left.

5. The sketches were riddled with mostly regional in-jokes and I feel like it wasn't resonating with our entire readership enough to keep it going.

Taking all of those things into consideration, it was easier to just phase 'em out.

Thanks for asking! I hope this answers it.

Anonymous said...

Probably taking 3 days to respond to my "apologizing for being so drunk the night before" text. In which he responded, "Don't be sorry."

fugg youuu dude.

blastinaglass said...

"I feel like abusing you"

Anonymous said...

Last guy I was involved with once texted me to say "vodka shoe". He said he'd intended that for his cousin, who spilled her drink on him while they were out earlier that night. Fair enough. Shoes were a theme, though - a month later, when he didn't respond to one of my "how was your night?" texts for many days I was confused and annoyed to the point of giving up when he finally texted: he apologized up & down for losing his phone IN A SHOE. For four days. A shoe. Oh the beautiful follies of youth.

Anonymous said...

My ex boyfriend texting me saying he wanted to "Shoot the breeze with me." Not that weird, but it was still annoying.

Anonymous said...

My friend fowarded me a text she got from my ex boyfriend. The text was completely innocent and uninteresting, but she felt the need to brag about it...lame.

Mallory P. said...

Every fucking time you spend a solid 5 minutes crafting a grammatically-correct, witty, not-too-short but not-too-long text...only to receive "lol" as a response. That makes me want to punch babies.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Mallory.

Sassy Suss said...

Ok, look...in what would likely prove to be a mediocre-at-best attempt at wittiness, I was going to post a link of a snake in a high heel shoe. Do you people know how hard it is to find an image of a snake IN a high heel shoe? First, talk about an odd photo-op. Second, try a Google image search...a gazillion pics of snakeskin shoes are at your fingertips, but I could not find ONE pic of a snake IN a high heel shoe. Thus, in closing, if anyone can find one, please post the link. Thanks.

Anna said...

I gotta say, i never actually saw the photo he tried to send, so either

a) he already had the photo in his hard drive and didn't need to search for it.

b) he took the picture himself (a long shot, but possible)

c) HE NEVER HAD THE PICTURE AND WAS JUST FUCKING WITH ME

Anonymous said...

after hooking up with a guy for about a month ( and I sadly admit I was the other woman at the time) iIgot a "Will you marry me?" text...TEXT.

Anonymous said...

"I wouldn't need jergins if you came over"

A said...

It exists!
http://i.imgur.com/VLVOl.png
Raiders of the Lost Ark. Snake in a high heel.

Anna said...

Haha! Wow. Nicely done.

I imagined the guy who sent it to me was trying to send me some sort of motley crue or g'n'r imagery (he was a dj, afterall) but maybe he was an Indiana Jones freak? It's possible!

Good job, gumshoe.

A said...

Strangely enough, I actually just watched that movie for the first time last night, and that scene caught my attention enough for me to remember it!

Penna said...

"hey" ....worst text ever.

Keep It Fa$h said...

Him: Hey, how are you?
Me: I'm good, you?
Him: I'm good, how are you?
Me: You just asked me that...
Him: I thought maybe it changed?

He was just nervous about texting me the first time, it was actually kinda cute afterward.

Jennifer said...

One of my friends got

"love u body bb"

Anonymous said...

Anna, please name your next blog/website or business venture, be in online related or otherwise, Snake in a High Heel Shoe. If you conduct the market research, you will find Snake in a High Heel Shoe = hits/ratings/sales/love/spiritual enlightenment.

Anonymous said...

i agree with Penna. "hey" is the WORST TEXT EVERRRRRRRRR.

Anonymous said...

Oh I most recently received the worst texts ever from a dude. I wrote about it here: http://therossi.tumblr.com/post/3164114054/i-couldnt-fit-in-the-time-stamp-on-this-but-this

Here is a sample:

Feb. 6, 4:37

OKC weirdo: Sigh. Sometimes I wish I lived on an island in the pacific by myself.

Me: Sorry to hear that.

OKC weirdo: Why sorry?

Me: Well you started with a sigh so I read it as a bad thing.

OKC weirdo: Hmm..

Feb. 6, 10:05

OKC weirdo: [pic of his half eaten dinner?]

OKC weirdo: Had 2 pieces of eggplant parmesan, and a pile of mashed potatoes for dinner. Was delicious.

Anna said...

Ha! That's hilarious.

Ali said...

From a guy I haven't heard from in over a year, "So I'm looking for a hookup."

Anonymous said...

"Hey Amanda its Tim I know its been awhile but I had the craziest dream about you the other night so I was jw how you are doing?"

It had been 5 months since he abruptly stopped talking to me. He said he lost his phone and I never called. When I asked how he got my number he claimed:

"I looked in my August phone records"




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SURE!! BECAUSE EVERYONE HANGS ON TO THEIR PHONE RECORDS...YA KNOW JUST INCASE YOU HAVE A DREAM ABOUT HER 5 MONTHS LATER...

Anonymous said...

from a guy who i met online, talked to once (he was an arrogant douche), and then happened to see at a bar weeks later:

him: so i know we're hooking up tonight.
me: sorry, i have plans.
him: cancel them.

Anonymous said...

"I want to stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey"

heather said...

I got a text from a guy I had met at a bar that consisted of the words "Hey it's XXXX (whatever his name was) remember me?"

And it was a picture of him. Without a shirt. Doing a muscle pose. With an obvious boner. And a beach towel as a window covering.

He stopped texting me after I commented egregiously on the beach towel... until a few weeks later when I got the text, "Hey it's XXXX, we met last night, what are you doing tonight?" I imformed him I was NOT the girl he met the previous night but the girl he had sent the beach towel picture to. Long pause for a response, then:

"Oh. So what are YOU doing tonight?"


Winner.

Anna said...

These are hilarious! Keep 'em coming.

Anonymous said...

The background: I ran into my long-time (now married) ex at a bar back home during the holidays. After cordial hellos we went on with our respective evenings. About an hour later (having not even seen him since), I get the following:

Him: If you keep giving me those "fuck me" eyes, I'll have to do something about it.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: Oh come on, you know you want it

Me: Don't flatter yourself

Then, at 3am...

Him: Please come over, I need you.

Me: (no response)

The next day...

Him: Thanks for ignoring me last night, my wife would have killed me!

Anonymous said...

I broke it off with a guy I saw just a few times and he didn't take the rejection well. He was simultaneously emailing and texting very angry things mixed with messages about how much money he makes and how he was "the lottery for a girl like me" but I ignored his texts. The very last text said "Put me down for $5,000 on that, Justin." I assume he purposely sent an "errant" text to "Justin" to let me know he had $5k to throw around for fun.

the scarlet varlet said...

Just found this post in the archives and had to share the funniest text I've ever received. It was a wrong number text message that went like this:

f**k u dillon i know what u said my cousin said & did & how dare u spread lies its evil I WILL FIND U
*~*~ Purple Power ~*~* [signature line]

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