April 24, 2011

I'm Gonna Be Honest: That Was The Worst Flirting I've Ever Done In My Life

OMG I sucked so hard
Jeez. What can I say? I was totally terrible back there. I think that could've been the worst flirting I've ever done. It was the worst flirting ANYONE has EVER done in the history of the planet. Seriously, earthworms probably flirt better than I just did. I've seen houseplants with better game than me. I'm consumed with shame at my obvious crash and burn.

I wish I had an excuse like I was drunk or my cat just died so my head wasn't in the right place to crack a few lighthearted, friendly jokes, but that'd be a lie. I was of sound body and mind when we talked five minutes ago; I just really sucked at flirting and I have no explanation for it.

I hereby apologize for the following things:
  • Making that bizarre joke that Peeps should be cooked with chicken. I don't know what I was thinking. Trust me when I say that the joke was funnier in my head. It was a clunker. No argument there.

  • Making him feel bad for not remembering my name. I was trying to pretend like I was angry at him for not remembering, but when the words, "What the hell? Am I that unmemorable?" came out, it sounded waaaay harsher than I meant it to. The funny thing is that I don't care that he didn't remember my name and I have no clue why I tried to make him feel bad about that. Whoops!

  • I also apologize for making that strange Mr. Belvedere joke which he didn't get either so roughly one-third of our conversation was me trying to explain the premise of an '80s sitcom to him. As my mouth kept moving, I knew that I was talking straight-up jibberish. I could also tell he wasn't engaged because he kept looking around the room for someone else to talk to. Message received, buddy. 
As awful as it was to listen to me babble away like an idiot, it felt even more terrible being the babbler knowing that I sounded like an unfunny lunatic. Yikes. Sorry! Can we pretend that our entire conversation never happened? I think that'd be best for all parties involved.


Andrea said...

Oh honey, we've all been there. Don't let it get you down.

Big Fan said...

You mean it was a "clucker." ba dum tss!

MT said...

I once told a guy his boots reminded me of the Gorton's fisherman... yeah, that went nowhere real fast.

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