May 27, 2011

Bonerkiller: Douchey Wraparound Shades

I have a strict no tolerance policy when it comes to douchey wraparound shades. I hate them. I hate that they exist. I hate that guys see them in a store, try them on, purchase them, and wear them around me. I hate when they perch them on the top of their head and try to talk to me about what my plans are for later that night. Here's a clue: NOT HANGING OUT WITH A GUY WHO WEARS THOSE UGLY, SHITTY SHADES! I wish I could round 'em up and toss 'em all in the center of town and light those fuckers on fire 'til they melt into one lousy heap of terribleness.

I've only dumped three guys in my entire life and two of them wore wraparound shades. The third one might've worn wraparound shades but we only hung out at night so I have no idea if he owns a pair in his personal collection. He probably did. I probably sensed that about him so good for me for nipping that shit in the bud. *pats myself on the back*

I'm getting queasy just talking about this. I seriously hate these sunglasses, especially if they have some bright-colored reflective surface because it looks like he has a humungous oil slick on his face. BARF!

9 comments:

JP Toto said...

Exceptions: Playing sports. Like Golf. Ok, not Golf but maybe baseball.

Anonymous said...

What if they're an avid windsurfer?

Ashley said...

Only exception: for use as safety glasses for any kind of work that requires safety glasses and being outside if it's sunny, like welding for example, because OSHA requires the use of wrap around glasses for safety, and when it's sunny they can be sunglasses....

Anna said...

I'm not talking about a welder or a golfer, I'm talking about boring guys in flip-flops.

Anonymous said...

"a humungous oil slick on his face" LOL

Patrick said...

How is Guy Fieri not the patron saint of this post?

Ashley said...

No self respecting man should ever wear these if he is not welding or playing golf...

Jake said...

I just had to take my car to the shop and the mechanic was wearing lame wraparounds. I'm worried my Lumina will come back filled with Linkin Park CDs and smelling like Axe.

Anonymous said...

what if....he only wears them in his everyday life because he's a Marine and they all wear them in the field and now he can't differentiate between his Marine life and his everyday life because its all jumbled together?? is that acceptable? oh and i forgot to mention he's sweet, funny, and hott :)

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