May 20, 2011

Quick Rant: His Celebrity Crush Doesn't Look Anything Like Me
His celebrity crush looks NOTHING like me!
"Who are your celebrity crushes?" I asked out of the blue.
"Oh man. I gotta go with Christina Ricci. I've always had a thing for her."
"You mean the short girl with the huge forehead?"
"I guess."
"Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm supertall and I have a small forehead."
"It's not that small."
"Yes it is. It's the approximate height of a king-sized Snickers bar." I placed my fingers an inch apart on my forehead to illustrate that it was indeed the height of a king-sized Snickers bar.
He shrugged.
"Well, which era of Christina Ricci's career are we talking about? Like, Wednesday Adams, Sleepy Hollow, Buffalo 66, Black Snake Moan?"
"Definitely Buffalo 66-era Christina Ricci. She was pretty in that."
"Um, you mean the one where she's BLONDE?" I gave him a look.
"I guess. So?"
"So!? Your celebrity crush looks nothing like me."
"I'm not blonde! You know who my celebrity crushes are? Michael J. Fox, the guy who plays Vince's manager on Entourage whose name escapes me right now, and Jason Schwartzman: short dudes with short hair. These are all guys that look like you."
"Jason Schwartzman has hairy knuckles. I don't have hairy knuckles."
"I happen to find his voice soothing."
"This is the stupidest argument we've ever had."
"You will never understand how women think."


Anonymous said...

yeah, that's the point. He has you already...

il autre said...

If it's any solace, as a guy I can definitely say that your celebrity crush doesn't have to match your "ideal" girlfriend. My celebrity crush is Scarlett Johansson a la Lost in Translation but my gf looks nothing like her. It seriously doesn't matter and I think my girlfriend is so hot anyways.

tl;dr Sometimes we are illogical. Don't worry about it.

Mallory P. said...

I think we're living the same life. It's eerie.

Anonymous said...

ari gold!

Anna said...

Ari is his agent. E is his manager!

The Verbose Anonymous said...

Based on this post, I'm proud that I'll never understand...

Anonymous said...

One of the benefits of being partnered with a "hot bi babe" is that sometimes you get to have the same celebrity crushes. She and I are ALWAYS in the front row when Angelina is in another new film, no matter how dumb the premise. (My beautiful primary looks nothing like Angelina, but that's just fine: neither do I.)

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