July 2, 2011

No Offense, But This Slob Image He's Cultivating Is Not Hot

His glasses are smeared with appears to be grease from the cheesesteak he had for dinner. His shirt collar is blown out and loose, revealing a patch of unkempt chest hair, and his pants have more holes than a dozen donuts. This guy does not give a shit how he looks which is whatever. The problem comes when he tries to make a move and is surprised at a rebuff scenario. Sorry, but there isn't enough whiskey in the world to make him look attractive to me right now.

It sucks because I know that there's a cute guy buried under that shitty beard and stained t-shirt! But, some guys get a kick out of appearing as unkempt as possible, like they're daring women to deal with it and I resent that.

I dated a guy once who had a bet going with his best friend about who could go the longest without showering. As you could imagine, I was not pleased with this bet. He didn't care. He had this attitude like, "If you love me, you'll love all of me all the time no matter what I do." He seemed to get great joy out of testing me on that premise and he'd use it as an excuse to behave like a dirtball. Well, it turned out that I loved men who showered on the reg: sue me!

This guys needs a haircut, a shave, and a quick swipe with an Axe product for me to consider high-fiving him. The one minute he looks semi-acceptable is when he's wading around in a swimming pool because I'm reasonably confident that if he's not clean, the chlorine is at least killing whatever is growing on him. I'm sure there's some girl out there who will find his slob act charming, but like Bob Dylan sang, it ain't me, babe.


Stv said...

I can't believe you endorse the application of an Axe product in good conscience, under any circumstances

Anna said...

The smell of a random Axe scent is A MILLION TIMES PREFERABLE to gnarly BO.

Noelle said...

Greasy glasses? Pretty sure they literally give those out to you when you register as a sex offender.

Justin said...

Grimy is the new Not Grimy. It is what it is, but I'll stay showered and in cleanish clothes, thanks.

Justin said...

Dylan also sang this:

Well, sometimes, I might get drunk
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
'Cuz I got my little lady right by my side
She's a-tryin' to hide
Pretendin' she don't know me

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