August 5, 2011

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "What Kind Of Guys Do You Normally Date?"

This must be my type (in his head)
Things were going spectacular. This guy had impeccable manners. When we got to the restaurant, he jumped out of his car and scurried to the other side to open my door while offering his hand to help me get out AND he pulled out my chair for me before we sat down at our table.

"Oh, wow. Thanks!" I said, pleased at the star treatment.

"You don't have to thank me. That's silly." He waved my gratitude off with his hand.

"I'm just saying it was nice of you to do that. That's all. I appreciate it. You're a real gentleman!" I was trying to salvage the compliment here.

"Of course I'll do those things for you. What kind of guys do you normally date? Do they not do that for you?" he asked, accusingly.

Okay. This sucks. I went from thinking that this was a guy I could FINALLY tell my mom about to being suddenly put on the defensive. How am I supposed to respond to that question? What does he wanna hear? Yes, I only date rude dudes. I date sixth grade bullies, men who've escaped from mental wards, and Vikings. In fact, I don't even date humans. I usually date apes who squeal at the top of their lungs, shit on the floor and throw their feces at me. Those are my usual companions so this is a real treat to be out with a homo sapien tonight.

Then I sat for a minute and thought about the kinds of dudes I usually date. Spoiler alert: they're normal dudes with normal jobs and now I'm on a date with HIM thinking about a lot of other men. Is that what he wanted?

I mean, what the fuck kind of question is that to ask me what kinds of guys I normally date? It sounds like he's saying it's my fault that guys don't pull out my chair at upscale restaurants 100% of the time. If they treated me well, then we wouldn't be on this date at all, fella. So, he should be happy that these brutes weren't up to muster.


Rarian Rakista said...

Just turn around the question. When women start the whole "what kind of girls do you date" on me that is what I do. In fact, turning around the question is always fair in love and war. Its like diplomacy or something.

Anonymous said...

he was joking get off you're high horse...

Anna said...

No. Get off you're [sic] high horse.

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