|This must be my type (in his head)|
"Oh, wow. Thanks!" I said, pleased at the star treatment.
"You don't have to thank me. That's silly." He waved my gratitude off with his hand.
"I'm just saying it was nice of you to do that. That's all. I appreciate it. You're a real gentleman!" I was trying to salvage the compliment here.
"Of course I'll do those things for you. What kind of guys do you normally date? Do they not do that for you?" he asked, accusingly.
Okay. This sucks. I went from thinking that this was a guy I could FINALLY tell my mom about to being suddenly put on the defensive. How am I supposed to respond to that question? What does he wanna hear? Yes, I only date rude dudes. I date sixth grade bullies, men who've escaped from mental wards, and Vikings. In fact, I don't even date humans. I usually date apes who squeal at the top of their lungs, shit on the floor and throw their feces at me. Those are my usual companions so this is a real treat to be out with a homo sapien tonight.
Then I sat for a minute and thought about the kinds of dudes I usually date. Spoiler alert: they're normal dudes with normal jobs and now I'm on a date with HIM thinking about a lot of other men. Is that what he wanted?
I mean, what the fuck kind of question is that to ask me what kinds of guys I normally date? It sounds like he's saying it's my fault that guys don't pull out my chair at upscale restaurants 100% of the time. If they treated me well, then we wouldn't be on this date at all, fella. So, he should be happy that these brutes weren't up to muster.