|Well, 'cause I don't|
But, for me, being single feels like this, a sweet treat best enjoyed with a low-cut shirt and a smile:
It rules being unattached for a while. Personally, I love it. It's super fun! If I wanna stay in and catch up on Boardwalk Empire, I can. If I wanna go out and kick game to an attractive semi-stranger, I will. I never have to compromise on anything. I can hang out with anyone I want. I can singalong to whatever pop songs I want at the top of my lungs while I'm driving and not have some guy cross his arms and roll his eyes. I'm like Kevin McAllister when he first finds out that his family is out of town in Home Alone: I'm giddy with freedom. I can stay out as late as I want with whoever I want and not have to explain anything to anyone ever. IT RULES.
You think Garfield gives a fuck about being single? Look how happy he is! He's livin' large.
He's got a remote control, a fluffy pillow and a frosty beverage i.e. a non-stop party. He's reclining like a goddamn Pharaoh or some shit. You think he has a care in the world? NOPE-A-LOPE! You think he's worried about what movie to stream on Netflix that some girl hasn't already seen AND is in the mood to watch? Hell no. He's kicking back watching American Horror Story, burping at his leisure and snacking on a bowl of (presumably) sour cream Pringles.
So, what's your favorite thing about being single? Tell me in the comments.