November 8, 2011

Story Time: What's Your Favorite Thing About Being Single?

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Well, 'cause I don't
You know what's single? Slices of pre-wrapped American cheese, one dollar bills, and servings of Lean Cuisine. These are ALL boring things. I'm not sure why being single gets such a bad rap. I feel like people hear the word "single" and think that it's all frowntown, all the time:

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But, for me, being single feels like this, a sweet treat best enjoyed with a low-cut shirt and a smile:

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It rules being unattached for a while. Personally, I love it. It's super fun! If I wanna stay in and catch up on Boardwalk Empire, I can. If I wanna go out and kick game to an attractive semi-stranger, I will. I never have to compromise on anything. I can hang out with anyone I want. I can singalong to whatever pop songs I want at the top of my lungs while I'm driving and not have some guy cross his arms and roll his eyes. I'm like Kevin McAllister when he first finds out that his family is out of town in Home Alone: I'm giddy with freedom. I can stay out as late as I want with whoever I want and not have to explain anything to anyone ever. IT RULES.

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You think Garfield gives a fuck about being single? Look how happy he is! He's livin' large.



He's got a remote control, a fluffy pillow and a frosty beverage i.e. a non-stop party. He's reclining like a goddamn Pharaoh or some shit. You think he has a care in the world? NOPE-A-LOPE! You think he's worried about what movie to stream on Netflix that some girl hasn't already seen AND is in the mood to watch? Hell no. He's kicking back watching American Horror Story, burping at his leisure and snacking on a bowl of (presumably) sour cream Pringles.

So, what's your favorite thing about being single? Tell me in the comments.

24 comments:

Kyla said...

Whatever I want, whenever I want. Not to mention the weight loss that comes with being single.

Anna said...

I find that I'm waaaaaay more productive when I'm single too. I'm more focused on things. It's great.

r said...

if by "catch up on boardwalk empire" you mean lay around surrounded by leftover halloween candy wrappers with my jaw hanging open drooling over charlie cox and michael pitt...then yes, i love being single.

Eva said...

Complete unilateral decision making

Edmond William said...

From a guy's perspective:

1) No one calling you during friend time and guilt-tripping you for having said friend time.

2) No Disney movies.

3) No awkward Thanksgiving dinners with her family.

Chris said...

Not sacrificing bed-space.

Anna said...

I love that I can talk/hang out with my exes and there's no one to get weird about it.

Anonymous said...

You can fart as loud and as frequently as you like!

Anna said...

Playing the butt trumpet at full blast: a compelling argument!

letsgrabacoffee.com said...

I love the possibility that every time I go out...I may meet somebody special. Or sexy...I'll take sex.

But if I don't, it's ok! I probably have a DVR full of the Kardashian's to catch up on anyhow and don't need a guy rolling his eyes at it.

mmaggiee said...

i can tell you what i miss* about being single:

the flirting... with unknown possibilities. the adventure of fresh attraction, the momentum of crushing.

using all the hot water during my morning shower and not even thinking twice about it (ah, the luxury!)

having drinks bought for me

that's just off the top of my head. i'm sure there's more.

*my husband is (and has been) my bff. we got married in february and it's, well, it's totally what we both want. i won't gush, that'd be weird.

Melissa said...

Sleeping diagonally

Anonymous said...

Having to care about absolutely no-one when planning my day, weekend or year. Being able to talk to whomever I want without someone geting jealous. Doing only things I like doing and none I can only tolerate for the someone else's sake.

Kara said...

Sleeping in my ratty ass sweatpants bc they're super comfortable, spreading out in bed and complete control of the remote

Alice said...

love love love it! i'm also giddy with freedom when i'm single, and the life you described for garfield is basically the life i'd choose for myself any given day (and often do...)!

jam said...

Creatively I can focus on so many things: music, writing, painting. Also I've traveled to Cambodia and Kenya.

Blue Light J said...

I like being able to stay up all night (or work the night shift) without anyone complaining.

Anonymous said...

being single generates the most hilarious, epic stories ever. every night out can become an adventure that will make you laugh your ass off the next day.

Mishlak said...

Going along with what Anonymous said about epic stories, one of the best things about being single is all the ridiculously awkward dating stories you collect. At the time I may not have appreciated having a guy ped-egg in front of me, another rape my face during our first make-out session, or have one call me after a date to say that he was hit by a car immediately after walking me to mine...but I sure do love having those stories now!

Anonymous said...

- No one criticizing my music selection.

- No one monitoring my drinking with thinly-veiled disapproval

- No need to be hyper-vigilant with my phone.

Anonymous said...

You had a guy ped-egg in front of you?!! Ahhhhh

Anonymous said...

I love being able to take girls out, but being single means I only spend money on myself and it's pretty great.

Anonymous said...

never having to explain myself, account for myself or make a decision based on anyone but myself is by far my favorite part(s). That and the lack of monogamy.

Ellie said...

HA! I needed this post. THANK YOU!

But in all honesty, my favorite thing about being single is Single Girl Dinners. If I wanna f-ing have half a peanut butter sandwich, a quesadilla and a handful of pita chips, all while standing at my kitchen counter watching Teen mom from across the room? BOOM. That's justice.

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