April 30, 2012

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: The Litter Box In His Bathroom

This litter box is a duo of stink: It stinks nostril-wise and it stinks life-wise. Just being within ten feet of his bathroom, I can feel the litter particles banging around my brain like stinky microscopic pinballs. I'm gagging just thinking about it.

His bathroom smells like SARS, monkeypox and the bird flu banging in a pee ditch at Burning Man. Why is this litter box so close to the toilet? I have to bury my mouth and nose into the top of my shirt like I'm kicking over a bloated corpse just trying to bust out a quick #1. It's stupid!

And, it's not just the smell thats unholy; nothing is worse than stepping out of his shower and onto stray kitty litter pebbles. It's almost impossible to avoid. I'm hotstepping all over the place. I'm in pebble hell! I'm basically krumping just trying to get solid footing on the tile floor. 

I know his apartment is small. I know there's literally nowhere else to plop the litter box, but it's still a bummer. And that just makes me sad.


bonnie said...

well what else is he supposed to do? just let his cat shit all over the apartment?

Anna said...

I'm with you! I know he's stuck with this arrangement, but it still sucks.

Anonymous said...

I love you, you're the best, but come on, every burner knows there's no such thing as a pee ditch at BMan. Portapotties only! Leave no trace!

mo said...

The bigger question is, why does he even have a cat in the first place? If he has such a small place then he shouldn't have a cat! Gross... I can not imagine a kitty litter box in the bathroom!!! That's a deal breaker.

Jen said...

I'd like to think of it as a guy being capable of taking care of another living thing. I would only judge him if the litter box was an absolute pee-clumped disaster.

Solo4114 said...

I dunno. I have a cat. He has a litter box. It has to go somewhere, and my cat's big enough (big breed, actually) that one of those covered ones wouldn't work so well. Now, I'm lucky enough to have room in my house to put the thing so that it's at least somewhat out of main traffic areas, but the bottom line is that a cat's gonna leave a mess to some degree or other. If it ain't litter pebbles, it'll be fur.

That said, a few tips for your paramour:

1.) Vacuum, dude. Seriously. Clean that stuff up. I know, it's a pain in the ass to do it ALL the time, and it seems like as soon as you clean the floor and say "There. That's better," the cat jumps into the box, kicks a bunch on the floor, and gives you the stink-eye as if to say "No, THAT'S better." But still, if you're expecting company, or going out and it MIGHT happen, clean it up. It's a good habit to get into anyway.

2.) Switch litter brands. Get the pine pellet kind (NOT the pine DUST kind, because that just makes a different kind of mess, and NOT the newspaper pellet kind because they stink even before the cat soils them). They small nowhere near as bad, and they don't kick up a ton of dust everywhere. If it starts to stink, scoop it. Otherwise, change it weekly.

3.) Invest in a HEPA air filter or two. No joke. You want to keep the furball but still have ladies over? Make your place habitable for them. They're not that pricey (you can get a decent one for, like, $40-60 with a reusable filter, no less) and they make your place smell a LOT better. I did this and it was worth every penny.

Solo4114 said...

Er...point #2 should read "they smell nowhere near as bad."

shy said...

When I first started dating my bf, his cat's litter box was in the bathroom. When I moved into his tiny tiny one bedroom, I cleared a spot in the hall closet and moved it. I don't know why he never thought of that...but anyway...no more shower litter feet!

Kate said...

I know this is an old post, but I couldn't help but comment! Just found your site and I'm reading back through your archives.

I pretty much died of laughter when I read "I'm basically krumping just trying to get solid footing on the tile floor." SO TRUE! RIGHT?

Anyways, just wanted to drop you a note for totally making my day! I'm still laughing thinking about it!

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