August 10, 2012

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Say That They're Old

"Eh, I don't feel like going out tonight. I'm old! No one needs to see an old fucker like me sitting around drinkin' beers."

What is this, "Shit Vince Vaughn Says"? I'm not gonna argue with him about how he feels old, but hearing him talk about it is a freakin' bonerkiller, man. He's not a bloated, married puffball; he's a single dude in his 30s with a reasonably good figure for his age. Knock it off!

I can tell you right now that his incessant old-man talk is a drag. It doesn't make me wanna hang out with him or touch him or entertain him with a bunch of jokes or anything. For one thing, the sex already sounds boring with him. I can tell that he's gonna be lazy. Guys who complain about being old aren't known for being limber, bedroom-wise.

And, he needs to stop talking about how he sits around, drinks whiskey, and listens to records by himself. The image of him rattling a lone ice cube around a chipped tumbler filled with Maker's Mark is depressing as hell. Jesus, he sounds like a grungy version of Eeyore.

I don't wanna hang out with old dudes. No one does. And, no girl wants to hear a guy complain about how old he feels. Are you kidding me? It's Friday fucking night. Get with the program and put a pin in the old talk, fella.


Anonymous said...

It doesn't mean he's lazy in bed. It means, if he likes you, he's going to work twice as hard in bed and pay for it in the morning because HE IS OLD and he DOESN'T feel like he did when he was twenty or, hell, even twenty-five. If he really likes you, regardless of whether or not he's old or feels old, he's going to try.

Let's be honest, though. Nobody DOES want to see an old guy in the bar/club. Except maybe, other lonely old club/bar goers.

Anna said...

I disagree. When a guy says he's old, it's not hot. I like my guys with more energy. It doesn't mean we have to hit the clubs; we could just be going to someone's house to have some beers or walking down the street to a gastropub where we know the bartender.

This was based on a few guys I know who are hot and in good shape yet constantly whine about being old. It's a turn-off!

ILSE said...

laffs. I'm staying with a dude, 26 years old, but we did nothing last night (he passed out early) because he keeps saying he is old and doesnt like the scene no' mo. at least let ME have a rip off that bong.

Yanetchka said...

Anna, I've been stalking your blog for nearly six months after a couple of friends recommended I started reading your witticism after I dumped my boyfriend.
This is the first time that I've been moved to comment immediately after reading your post. I, too, was hanging around a guy who was like, "Oh, I'm an old man...I gotta go to bed by 10, wah wah, boo hoo." He's 31, I think.
Needless to say...that didn't last long.
Right on the money, you are.

Anna said...

Ha! Thank you. I'm glad you got a kick out of this post. And, I'm glad I'm not the only one annoyed by this behavior. *fist bump*

Kate said...

Yes. When I dated a guy who was 28 (still in his twenties, for goodness sake) he talked about being old all the time. And because I was only 23, he felt the need to remind me how young and naive I was. Yawn. Also, the "old" excuse only came out around me... but he had no problem going out late with all the friends he had that he did not want me to meet. Needless to say, I'm over his old ass!

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