February 19, 2014

My Latest Good Idea: SoleMates, A Dating Site Where You Can View A Suitor's Shoes Before You Commit To Anything

Listen, it's 2014 and we're all busy as hell. We have to convince our friends to watch "True Detective" even though the first episode is a little boring, we have to tweet about the bad weather, and we have to avoid "House of Cards" spoilers. That's basically a full-time job on its own.

Therefore, we've got to cut to the chase when it comes to online dating. Blurry photos from four years ago aren't gonna convince me that this guy is gonna be soulmate. I don't trust 'em! Frankly, I'm gonna need more information to go on before I commit to any kind of public outing.

So before I invest too much time in crafting long, funny emails about myself, before I suggest a festive, casual place to meet for a drink (or six), and before I tell my best friend his first name along with two sentences summing up what his "deal" is, I wanna see what I'm working with here.

Enter my genius idea: 
SoleMates, a dating website where guys have to post pictures of their shoes on their profile. (I'll wait here while you wrap your heads around how brilliant my concept is.)


"That's not a bad idea, you clever bird." - David Bowie
To paraphrase Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire, "Show me the shoes!" because his shoes will tell me so much. 

For instance, I don't wanna see squeaky clean, chunky, white Reeboks (he's a clueless, cheesesteak-eating goon) or an old-ass Adidas flip-flop (he's an aging frat dude). No rank Converses (he's a cheapskate punker), or ratty Tevas (he probably has a smelly kitchen). And absolutely no running shoes where the toes are individually molded (he will probably hate my perfume and refuse to watch "Workaholics" with me).

However, I would welcome a classic navy New Balance sneaker or an old-school Saucony. A stylish Hush Puppy? Sure. A classic suede Puma sneaker he got on sale at DSW? Now that's a man I could knock boots with.

Who's with me on this? I think I'm on to something here. What would be your dream footwear on a dude? What would be your worst nightmare? Tell me in the comments.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't be so quick to judge all shoes :P My boyfriend has minimalist running shoes (the ones with the individual toes) and LOVES Workaholics, he's actually bugged me more often than not to watch more with him. I'm terrible with keeping up with TV shows, *sigh*.

Anna said...

Your boyfriend sounds like a keeper! But I still hate those shoes.

Elena Barrio said...

My future husband will wear black Adidas Samba down the aisle... *AOOOOGA*

Anonymous said...

as an endorsement for this idea I will offer up this info...I just learned this weekend that my girlfriend decided on our first date that she was into to me because of the stylish pair of New Balance kicks I wore on our first date to Han Dynasty. For the record they were also $40 at a DSW and are now impossible to find anywhere.

Don @ How You Can Find Love said...

I'm a guy, but I really think you are onto something here. I can tell you all about my friends simply based on their shoes! I think it would work the other way for girls as well.

Mike said...

Totally onto something. You can tell a lot about a man's style by his footwear. I wore sleek brown wingtips on my first date with my now-fiancee, and I'm positive they helped seal the deal.

Rob said...

I suggest "OkCuspid" where you can pick your date based on his/her teeth.

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