Holy shit, look at that specimen!
Men who can pull off a mustache posses a potent mix of authoritative sleaze and self-confident swagger. This guy does not give a fuck.
And, we're not talking about pencil-thin, drawn-on, John Waters-esque squiggles here. No, sir. We're talking about bushy, groomed caterpillar ones. Like ol' Tom's over there. Can you imagine what it must feel like to kiss him? It's probably really itchy having a tiny, lip-sized broom graze your lip, but still. LOOK AT IT!
Mustaches, if done well, can command a room. This is a cocksure facial statement, if there ever was one. I mean, that's why cops have adopted it as their signature look, right? We could be wrong on this--and we freely admit that we're not scientists--but we suspect that even guys don't fully understand where its power comes from. They grow them for laffs, maybe they lost a bet (or, perhaps, they are trying to win one).
Either way, proper mustaches and the men who wear them rock. Fellas, we are tipping our hats to you. We can see when you've been drinking something foamy and you can do a walrus impression on command. In our book, that's pretty effin' cool.