March 9, 2009

Tip Our Hats: Jukebox Heroes

A guy who knows his way around a jukebox is hot. We're not talking about those ridiculous digital ones where you have to search an online database and pay roughly a dollar a song. Those are lame. We're talkin' about those beat up push-button behemoths that you'll find in the better dive bars around the city. They are basically CD depositories that skew heavily towards '90s alternative and classic rock. You know the drill.

These guys flip through the reams of CD covers in deep concentration. Once they find the perfect song to play next, their eyes twinkle as they tap in the corresponding code. When they come back to your table, they're all smug, knowing that they programmed the perfect soundtrack for the next 23 minutes.

David Bowie, Prince, "Cheer" by the Descendants, INXS, Dinosaur Jr., Squeeze, Velvet Underground, The Cure, early Michael Jackson, Thin Lizzy, old skool Metallica, lesser-known Rolling Stones songs, "100%" by Sonic Youth, Bob Dylan, anything off Pet Sounds, and/or most of the songs on the Singles Soundtrack are all totally acceptable song choices.

Jukebox no-nos can include: Slayer, Moby, Slipknot, Eminem, Kid Rock, that "Sex and Candy" song, Right Said Fred, the Barbie Girl song, the "Macarena," "Mambo #5," Fatboy Slim, Blink-182, early No Doubt, Prodigy, new school Metallica, and anything off the "Now That's What I Call Music" compilations. Yuck.

The best part is when your favorite Pixies song comes on over the house stereo system and you share a smile over your Kenzinger. We tip our hats to you, jukebox heroes, for kickin' out the jams and kickstartin' our hearts.

10 comments:

Andrew said...

You should have said early Blink 182 because their last album was good, and to a lesser extent all of them are.

Anna said...

Eh, they're good if you're boppin' around your room putting laundry away, but in a dive bar situation, I maintain that it is not ideal. I am ok with disagreeing about this issue.

Andrew said...

Oh right, at a dive bar. I was thinking more about listening to them while driving.
I maintain that I would be into Blink 182 at a dive bar after... let say, 12:35am.

Andrew said...

Incredibly specific choices there. Can you create mix tapes on iTunes that you could sell us all? My impulse to select a rock block composed entirely of Spin Doctors and Counting Crows just wouldn't cut it, I'm guessing.

Dudes We\'d Never Date said...

A guy who knows his way around a jukebox is great, but the worst are guys who pick the most obscure song of the bunch, come back to the table and quiz you on it when it plays.

k said...

I think Slayer is a totally acceptable jukebox choice!

Even better is some freakin' Maiden. One time, this metal head dude put 10 bucks in the juke and played the entire "The Number of the Beast" album. The whole bar was head banging and rocking out. The metal head dude played air drums to the entire record and did not miss a beat. It was awesome!

Anna said...

k, i see your point. actually, the instance you just outlined sounds totally fun.

i guess i was thinking about when you are in a quiet-ish bar and he puts on a metal song then spends the next three minutes going, "listen to this part! this solo is SO SICK!" and you're there like, "dude, you just settle down and can we just have a normal conversation for once?"

Juls215 said...

I have to disagree on "Barbie Girl" although I've never seen it on a jukebox I heard it at a coffee shop a couple weeks ago and it made my entire day.

Stephanie Says said...

at karaoke obscura last week someone did that sex and candy song and there was an audible groan from our table. we couldn't help it. that song should never be heard in any setting.

Anna said...

Haha. Stephanie, we are clearly in agreement on the issue.

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