March 8, 2009

Bonerkiller: Guys That Buy Season Passes to Amusement Parks

It's one thing if you go to Six Flags as a one-off day trip because it's the first warm day of the year and your Coke can gave you $10 off the admission price, but guys who buy season passes to amusement parks are totally bonkers. Do they really enjoy standing in lines that much? Is the idea of winning a scratchy, shoddily made, over-sized stuffed animal that alluring to them? I guess eating terrible, overpriced food and mingling with the general public is a draw?

These baggy jorts-wearing Peter Pans live for the thrill of a two minute roller coaster ride, happily waiting over two hours in line for their turn. And, they get pumped when a ride involves a flume and splashes water on them. They genuinely get excited if a ride has a series of medical warnings before you board it. If you looked in their shitshow of a bedroom, you'd find at least two airbrushed t-shirts (which they wear down at the shore too) and a drawn caricature of them--framed!

The only plus side about these baby-men is that they have iron stomachs. They can jam on a funnel cake, a corn dog, wash it down with a frozen lemonade and ten seconds later, they're ready to ride the Great American Scream Machine. That's the name of an actual ride. We looked it up.


Do The Right Thing said...

haha this is brutally funny

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