April 24, 2009

Quick Rant: The Love 'n' Shove

New relationships are something wonderful, aren't they? The excitement of getting to know each other, the thrill of falling in love, the sinking feeling when your new man pushes you away after confessing his love for you . . . oh wait, maybe that's just me.

Actually, it's not. I performed an incredibly unscientific study on this and the results are in: almost every single person (guy AND girl) has had a run-in with the Love 'n' Shove. Need more info? You got it.

The Love 'n' Shove is when someone comes on strong, treats you like a princess, charms your pants off, and tricks you into vulnerability. "He's so sweet," you coo to anyone who'll listen. You've never felt this way before! You didn't know love could be like this! Suddenly you believe in magic, you're farting rainbows and nothing can darken your day. Every one of your friends vacillates between complete happiness for you and wanting to puke all over your fave TOMS. You've lost your ability to be cynical and snarky. You snuggle puppies even though you hate dogs. Life is GOOD.

And then the thing you were dreading all along happens: Prince Charming turns into some ho-hum generic love-fearing bro. He's strangely unavailable almost all the time, you're bartering for kisses when they used to be bestowed on you by the bucketful, and those three stupid words are harder to come by than a well-paying job with health insurance. Sigh.

What is it about mutual affection that sends dudes heading for the hills? To paraphrase the age-old Tootsie Pop question, the world may never fucking know. You've been duped, little lady, and now it's back to nights spent in bed with your cat. Meh, at least she doesn't snore.


Pursuit of Matching Accessories said...

This is where we all say, "So it's not just me!"

Unknown said...

I've been loved and shoved by a girl... so I don't think this is necessarily gender-specific.

Although she did, ultimately, try to come back, beg for forgiveness and explain away her mistake (actually two mistakes) because she "didn't know what she really wanted"... but I'd moved on by then.

Sarah said...

One word: vunerability. Why did Lainey and Troy hook up? Because her documentary had been shredded to pieces, and he was there when she got home at the end of the night. Watch your back, everyone. Watch your back.

amanda mello said...

Chad, I do mention that the situation goes both ways and to change pronouns where necessary! Girls can be just as lame as dudes!

Lisatella said...

When I found out how loudly my new dude snored, I went home the next morning and apologized (out loud) to the cat for ever complaining about his little cat snores.

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