I have come to the conclusion that I am freakin' terrible at dippin' my pen in the company ink. My problem is two-pronged:
1. 10:04am on a Tuesday is not my prime time for macking. I am terrible at cold-stepping under fluorescent lights. I get overly anxious, wondering if my eye makeup has smeared, if there's something in my teeth, or if, god forbid, I have coffee breath. What if he does? My attempt to flirt during the daytime is a shitshow. I act like every heroine in every indie movie ever made, i.e. I become socially inept and self-conscious. Yikes.
Seriously, Guy, check me out at the flirt-friendly time of 11:37pm on a Friday. I'll have my hair blown out and a fetching dress on. I'll make your head spin with my witticisms. I'll wear intoxicating perfume. It'll be like a whole new me, just take my word for it.
2. Office attire creates illusions that I'm not fully prepared to dismantle. At my last job, I had a guy who I called the Candy Cassanova. He used to find any excuse to stop into my office, snack on some of the candy on my desk and flirt awkwardly. I thought he was cute, in a Ross from Friends kind of way.
After a few weeks of this, he asked me to lunch and took me to the roof of the building where we had a panoramic view of the city. We started talking about ourselves and he disclosed the following tidbits: he was in a frat during college, he loved the mellow sounds of Nickelback, Puddle of Mudd, and Staind, and he parties on Delware Avenue every weekend. Talk about a turn-off trifecta.
The problem? At work, everyone is dressed in business casual clothing. His khakis and blue shirt were like a blank slate. How was I to know that he was a bro? Once I found out that our tastes were incompatible, I was horrified. Our flirty romance stopped dead in its tracks. Damn you, sneaky khakis! *shakes fist at the sky*
Bathroom breaks, water coolers, and small talk with co-workers all conspire to make work the least sexy setting EVER. I really have to give office romancers props because there is no way that I could sustain a courtship under these harsh conditions. What do you think? Have you guys ever been able to find love in the carpeted cubicle maze of the office? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org and let us know.