July 3, 2009

Bonerkiller: Your Giant, Uncaged Iguana

Two minutes into this, I can tell that this isn't going to work out. You have a lot going for you: You have a cool job, we hang out at the same places and we even have some friends in common. But, I cannot overlook the fact that you have a giant iguana just chillin' on the windowsill of your living room. Dude, it's staring at us!

It's like you have a scaly, slow roommate who's shit you have to pick up around the apartment, literally. It smells like a mixture of woodchips and dried skin in here. *gag* It's just walking around the place like it's re-enacting scenes from Jurassic Park in slow motion. Why on earth is this thing not in a cage?

Next time I open a door and see this reptilian moodkiller, I'm gonna make like the Kool-Aid Man and bust out the side of the wall. Just kidding; there won't be a next time. Consider my boner murdered.

[Btdubs, this post is not one long, elaborate euphemism. There really was a freakin' lizard just hanging out like it was trying to sell me a Budweiser.]


ryder said...

i love you shmitten kitten

Anonymous said...

AGREED. I'm all about pets, but "re-enacting scenes from Jurassic Park in slow motion" sums up my feelings perfectly. I'll be sure to stay out of the long grass and that dude's apartment.

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