July 13, 2009

Things We Tell Boys We Hate But Secretly Don't: When They Threaten To Beat Someone Up On Our Behalf

What we tell you:
Whoa there, Peter Cetera, hold your horses. I get that you wanna defend my honor and all, but I didn't bring enough money on our date to bail you out of jail. It's fine; you don't need to kick his ass over this. It's not that big of a deal that some guy by the dj booth bumped into me and spilled my drink. It sucks that he wouldn't apologize but there's no need to resort to fisticuffs over it. Let's just get out of here. Fuck it. I know a great little spot down the street. We'll just go there. Come here *grab his hand and leave the bar*
What we really think:
Swoon x a million. This guy is so amped about me, he is willing to throw down. That's insane. And awesome. And hot. It's insanely awesome and hot. Hanging out with him is like having my own personal bouncer, but he doesn't have to spend his weekend nights sitting on a stool by the entrance of a rowdy bar. He listens to God Help the Girl, he wears glasses, and he would drop a guy who disrespects me in a heartbeat. I...I...I...think I love him.


thesimplicity said...

Wow, really? I've been training myself to curb this instinct over the past few years. I'm at the point where, if someone insults my date, I'll clench my fists and bite my lower lip and my face will get bright red... and then I'll turn around and get her the hell out of there.

But if they shout anything on the way out I take that as a sign that the fight was meant to happen.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I agree whole heartedly with this!!! See, I am 6 ft. tall... so any man who is gonna defend my honor (especially the cutie shorty boys) is a keeper!! SQUEAL!!!

Anna said...

@Asknycred We are soul sisters. I am high-fiving you through my computer monitor right now.

Anna said...

I remember being at a punk show in college and some guy shoved me. I turned to my boyfriend at the time and said, "Are you gonna stand for this? Some guy just shoved me! Aren't you going to defend my honor??" [Yes, I really did ask that.]

What did my loving, attentive boyfriend do? He shrugged. HE SHRUGGED. "I'm not getting involved with this. You're on your own here." And with that, he turned around and started talking to someone else. After the show when he drove me home, I crossed my arms and pouted, like any mature adult would do, and scolded him for not leaping to my defense.

"What did you want me to do? Fight him? I'm not gonna do that. You probably pissed him off."

"But, you're my boyfriend. Don't you have instincts to protect me?"

"Listen, I love you, but I'm not the kind of guy to get in fights. I'm just not."

It was a tense ride home. He might has well have told me that he shaves his armpits and that he attends cat shows for fun. It was then that I decided that all future boyfriends must be willing to get in a fight for me. And so it is said, and so it was written.

Jon K said...

I can back this to a point, but if you're acting like a lunatic at a bar or something and actually picking a fight, don't expect me to fly in to the rescue. There's a difference between chivalry and being your bodyguard when you decide to be drunk and bratty.

I know a few girls that have a tendency to get drunk and say whatever they want to whoever they want because they know they're not going to be the ones to have to fight, and that's not ok.

Unknown said...

I love this Karate Kid movie!

LizardQueen said...

This is definitely a tricky one because yes, there are girls who are idiots that maybe need a punch in the face, and yes, there are guys who are 'roid raging all the time and just need to chill. But it is hot.

A few years ago, I was at an Idlewild show at the TLA with some friends and this super drunk tall, huge obnoxious dude was "dancing" (no one else was) and kept knocking into me. I'm fairly small, 5'2.5" if I'm honest, and my friend's boyfriend totally defended me. Didn't come to a fight, eventually got the dude thrown out, but it was very sweet. They're married now with a little boy, 'cause that's seriously the type of dude you marry and have babies with.

Anna said...

@LizardQueen Exactly! I love it when a non-meathead guy mans-up like your friend's bf did. Sweet.

Elizabeth Treisner said...

I don't know about this one - to a certain extent, when someone has been a real ass to you, if the guy asks if you want him to kick the guy's ass - it is kinda sweet and sexy. It's also kind of hot dating a guy that is actually big enough and strong enough to do that! And Lizard Queen - that story IS very cute and hot! At the same time, if I'm at a bar with a guy and someone bumps into me, or spills something on me - even if he's kind of an ass about it - I think it's a little too meathead-ish to do the whole throw-down thing - not worht it!

Sunil A said...

I actually had my (now ex) girlfriend dump me because I hulked out and was about to kick the crap out of a mutual acquaintance who suddenly decided to feel her up. She slapped him so hard he staggered but when I heard about the incident and wanted to introduce his teeth to my fist, I suddenly became the villain. I still haven't figured that out.

Anonymous said...

I once killed a dog that tried to get off with her leg.

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