July 10, 2009

Things We Tell Boys We Hate But Secretly Don't: When You Scarf Down A Hoagie

What we tell you:
What are you, an animal? Can't you eat a sandwich like a human being? Watching you attack this hoagie is like watching a lion feed on a gazelle on the Discovery Channel. You have mustard all over you. I'm barely two bites into my sandwich and you've already wolfed yours down. You look like a caveman, all hunched over and grunting, jamming that hoagie in your mouth. Why am I dating such a pig?
What we really think:
It's kinda hot how my man has such a healthy appetite. I wonder what else he has an appetite for. Rawr. I wish I was that hoagie. His love hoagie. Did I just say the phrase, "love hoagie" in my head? Haha. Oh man, I think I just grossed myself out.


Jon Asher said...

If I was (were? damn you grammar.) the type of person to make emoticon hearts, I would make seven or eight of them right here.

the Big Ugly said...

I'm the sort of person who makes emoticon hearts. So here it is. <3 Hoagies.

Cassie said...

Hahahaha, you are absurdly funny. I'm enjoying reading the archived posts on this blog so much.

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