Pearl Jam? Really? Why don't you just play the entire Singles soundtrack while you're at it. Wait, is this "Would?" Oh, you totally are playing the Singles soundtrack. You know, just because it's on the jukebox doesn't mean that you have to play it. Everyone in the bar is looking at you and shooting you daggers with their eyes. Well, I don't blame 'em. You're forcing them to listen to a 9 minute song called "Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns." If anyone asks, I don't know you.What we really think:
Around 4 and a half minutes into this grunge opus, I saw the light. "This is my kinda love/ It's the kind that moves on/ It's unkind and leaves me alone/ Yes it does." I forgot how much I love this song and the entire bar should be thanking you for letting them hear this '90s gem for free. I think I'm going to download this song when I get home so I can rock out to it when I walk to work in the morning.
[Update: This post was partly inspired by my friend Andrew, who is known for his grunge-loving ways. Well, I just received word that he eloped with his girlfriend and my good friend, Mikki. Little known fact: I played a part in their matchmaking. Mikki confided to me that she had a crush on Andrew. One night, I blabbed to him that I knew a secret about him but that I couldn't tell him. He bought me a beer in exchange for the information, which I gladly accepted. Judas had his silver pieces, I had a Mad Elf from Johnny Brendas; we all have our price. "Mikki has a crush on you. Hit that shit, yo." With my encouragement, he made a move on her. And, they got married today. It seems that my Cupid-ness now has a proven track record. So, in a way, we all win. Congrats to the happy couple! I love you both very much.]